


If the Soul is Screaming (Guardian of Crying)

by oOJuliaOo



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Child Abuse, Death, Dumbledore Bashing, Family, Hurt/Comfort, Multi, Rape/Non-con Elements, Severitus, Violence
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-08-21
Updated: 2017-07-13
Packaged: 2018-08-10 04:00:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 12
Words: 27,482
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7829662
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/oOJuliaOo/pseuds/oOJuliaOo
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After Sirius death Harry won't talk anymore, but that's not the main problem. What if Severus Snape was asked to check on the supposedly spoiled brat during summer holidays and finds something unexpected? The story of two men and their journey to their true selfs. Warning: Abuse, child abuse, rape, violence and death</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> All rights go to the awesome J.K. Rowling.  
> Severus Snape and other characters may be OOC  
> Please take notice of the fact that I am not a native speaker of the english language.

Professor Snape, potion master and head of Slytherin house, startled from the 4th grade essays he was correcting as there was a knock on the door. Of course he had given them a three foot long essay about the Draught of the Living Death. The summer holidays would start in two days but he didn’t care.  
The essay was a consequence from the most immature behaviour on behalf of the students. Despite his reputation he could understand that they thought the lessons senseless once they passed their exams, but exploding cauldrons were something he would not tolerate.

  
To his own annoyance he had fallen asleep over them. He did everything but wonder about that- each one was worse than the one he marked before. Snape made a metal note of the class for next school year.  
Again somebody knocked quietly and he scowled. He looked at the clock, shortly after midnight, far after curfew.  
He didn’t believe that it would be Dumbledore. He would use the Floonetwork and not give any warning about his appearance. His colleagues would send a houself.  
Far too tired to use a simple spell to look who it was, he yawned and went to open the door. He recognised Potter, and Potter was the very last person he would have expected after what happened that day.

Dumbledore had asked to see him- via Floonetwork of course- because he wanted to discuss an important matter. And because Albus’ was the Headmaster he hadn’t any other recourse than to obey. However, he used the normal way and passed the gargoyle. Snape did not like to appear unannounced in someone’s fireplace. He had seen far too many things he didn’t want to.  
The worried look of the Headmaster however wasn’t anything he liked. After Dumbledore had asked him to he sat down and waited. He had explained that he was worried about Potter. The golden boy didn’t speak since the death of his godfather, neither with any teacher nor with his friends.

  
“I trust you to break his silence, Severus!” Albus smiled. Snape had looked utterly confused and held back a comment with great force. Snape himself wouldn’t like to be fussed over by everyone if someone he loved had died. If he wanted or not, that was something they had in common.

  
“I don’t expect him to talk to you about his problem, my dear boy. But if you’d tease him enough, he might lose his temper, and maybe it’ll help if his silence was broken- at least once.”  
Severus made his view on this plan quite clear but in the end Dumbledore had been able to convince him to do it, even though in his opinion, the boy needed some peace to deal with his loss.

  
So after lunch he had followed Potter outside to the lake and waited a few minutes before he started to speak in his usual cold voice.

  
“Mr. Potter?” Said person jerked in surprise but just looked up utterly silent. “I’d like to speak to you!” Of course he didn’t get a response.

  
“It doesn`t look like you could talk without moving your lips, Potter!” he said mockingly, but Harry remained calm. Snape growled. He had no time for that! He was head of Slytherin, not Gryffindor. Normally this should be Minerva’s duty...  
So Snapes voice turned into a dangerous hissing:

  
“I don’t care if you speak or not, Potter! At least I don’t have to listen to all your lies then, but there are people who care. Especially Granger and Weasley! But the famous boy who lived doesn’t care, of course... Did you thank them at least; they have risked their heads so nothing would happen to you? They had a relationship to Black too, they mourn and grief for him too. But as I always said, you’re far too spoiled to realize what you have!”  
With one move the boy stood and glared at him:

  
“Just because you are a heartless, cold bastard doesn’t mean I have no feelings, Sir! It hasn´t been a week since... and he was my only family. Am I not allowed to mourn? Just because you didn’t like him, Professor? And believe me: I’m not spoiled. Voldemort would hug me and tell me that he would abandon his plans in favour of his ballet career if I was!”  
Snape wanted to answer something, but Potter already was on his way towards the castle. He couldn’t deny the small smile on his lips. Potters comparison of Voldemort was quite amusing, but still he didn’t believe that the boy wasn’t spoiled.

 

The potions master had expected that Potter would try to avoid him for the last three days of school, but there he stood, chewing nervously on his lower lip, seemingly really tired and he was waiting for his teachers reaction.

  
“Mr. Potter, you’re aware that it is past curfew?” The boy looked away and shifted uncomfortably.

  
“Yes, I know Sir, but Dumbledore wanted to speak with me and uhm, he wanted me to give you this letter”, he explained himself quietly and attentively handed said letter to Snape.

  
“It’s Professor Dumbledore, Potter and you expect me to believe this story?”  
He nodded nervously and threw a glance at his potions teacher. He looked tired. But Harry still expected some punishment for his behaviour this noon.

  
“Is that so? I would recommend you to go to your dorm as fast as possible before I yet again think about a punishment”, Snape said coolly.

  
“Thank you, Sir. Good night and I’m really sorry about my behaviour today”, he murmured. He disappeared and left a dazed looking Snape  
Today had been a strange day. First of all Minerva had been surprisingly nice, then Albus hadn’t offered one of his sweets and now Potter apologised for his behaviour.  
Never the less he was annoyed. Why couldn’t have Dumbledore told him what stood in this letter instead of sending Potter. Potter was as arrogant and spoiled as his father. And exactly there lays the problem!

  
Since the death of Potters godfather, there wasn’t any of his attributes left. There were just Potters eyes that looked exactly like Lily’s. He had to pull himself together this afternoon as he’d looked into those green eyes. And especially those eyes were the reason why he cursed the boy regularly. The last week his eyes looked the same after he’d called her a mudblood.  
The potions master forced himself not to think about that now. He’d suffered long enough under this pain; he’d been a shadow of his former self, haunted by her in his dreams. It was too late anyway. Lily was dead. He hadn’t apologised and he’d never had his chance.  
Sighing silently he opened the letter and started to read:

Dear Severus,

Because of important information, which I have to pursuer immediately, I’ll be absent during the summer holidays. Please inform the Order about my absence due to research. If there’s something that cannot be delayed or something happens Fawkes will find me.  
And I have a favour to ask of you:  
I know that you don’t like Harry, but I have to ask to check on his welfare with the Dursleys. I don’t have explicit information, but there are reasons to assume, that they treat him poorly.  
I’d do this myself but I have to leave after the talk with Harry.  
Please inform Minerva that she has to hold the speech at the feast.

Take care of yourself, my boy.

Albus

 

Which information did the headmaster get, that he couldn’t inform the Order himself or wait till the School year was over? And of course… the golden boy was treated poorly…  
But if Albus asked him to check on the boy, he’d do as he was told, even though he didn’t like it. To see Potter during the holidays was nothing Snape would wish for, but most likely that was a mutual feeling.  
Severus looked at the clock and doused the candles in his office. He paced through the corridor towards his private rooms, putting the letter into his robes.  
His lips stretched to a mocking smile. Most likely Potter just had to get his food by himself instead of getting it served or he had to tidy his room by himself.

He couldn’t suspect the situation Harry was really in.


	2. chapter 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Severus Snape makes his way to the Dursleys and might not find what he expected to.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for the lovely Reviews, the Kudos and the bookmarks! I really appreciate it.  
> I’m sorry about the grammar mistakes or the occasionally wrong choice of vocabulary, I’m not a native speaker. I have a beta reader though, so it shouldn't be too bad.
> 
>  
> 
> „People say it’s better to know the truth , but what if the ending’s a bad one? Is it still better to know? Or is it kinder to keep that string of hope dangling? To believe that maybe if you just wait long enough, everything could still end the way you want.”  
> -Cynthia Lord, Touch Blue

In the fifth week of the holidays a person in black clothes appeared with a quite plopp at Number 4 Privet Drive. He straightened his robes and hesitantly stepped towards the door to ring the bell

He didn’t want to do this. Why did he have to see the Potter brat in his well-deserved holidays? He’d prefer to brawl down the Niagara Falls in a barrel.

A few seconds after he had pushed the bell on the neatly polished nameplate, he heard heavy footsteps and a beefy man without neck opened the door. The man stared at the wizard and intended to slam the door into Snape’s face, but due to his quick reflexes he was able to put a foot into the doorframe. He held back an ironic comment and stepped in uninvited. Before the walrus could protest he started to speak.

“Good evening. I’m Professor Severus Snape, teacher at Hogwarts school of witchcraft and wizardry and-“

“Don’t bring up that word”, the man hissed, but Snape just continued speaking without acknowledging him.

“And I’m here to look after a certain Harry Potter. Are your wife Petunia and your son home too?” he asked calmly and looked around the too clean room, whereby his gaze rested on a cupboard. Something wasn’t quite right about it. Immediately he threw the thought away. What should be strange about cupboard under the stairs, typical for England?

“The boy, my wife and my son aren’t here. What do you even want?”

“As I said, I was ordered to check on Mr. Potter. The death of his godfather Sirius Black a few months ago affected him quite a bit.”

“This crazy murderer is finally dead?” Snape raised an eyebrow in his typical manner, but nodded. Well, the way how Mr. Dursley reacted to him, every word that had something to do with magic and the mutt of black, it seemed that Potter maybe wasn’t that spoiled after all…

“Will the boy be back tomorrow?”

“I don’t know”, the walrus of a man answered unconvincingly, so Snape decided that he’d observe the house some more- invisible of course.

“May I see his room?” he tried again.

“Ehm…It’s… He always looks the door.  Please, leave now, I’ve got things to do!”

“Sure. Nice evening”, he responded as politely as he could and before he could react he stood on the street and the door was slammed shut in front of him.

A few seconds later the man was invisible and sat down on the garden wall to read his potions daily magazine.  Not like there would be anything he didn’t know, after all he wasn’t a potions MASTER for nothing, but at times it was indeed interesting and the reduced ingredients were pretty useful.

Yet, after a few minutes he heard a scream in the house in front of him and put the magazine back into his robes, he moved towards the open terrace door.

“-because of you, freak! Did you understand that?” Dursley yelled at someone. “If someone saw this Snape, you’ll suffer. Understood, freak?” as the black-haired man heard a nearly inaudible whimper , he stepped determinedly into the living room and moved, thanks to his habits as a spy, silently towards the voice. But Dursley was already on his way back to the living room, so he dropped his disguise.

“Where is the boy?” he growled and pierced him with THE look. That most of his students, at least the female ones would break out in tears by now, but the walrus just yelled at him, that the boy wasn’t there. Severus however had a very good hearing and could tell that it was Potters voice the whimper belonged to, and it definitely had sounded pained. He had had enough and whipped out his wand, pointing it at the man in front of him.

“Do not lie to me!” he hissed threateningly. This evoked the required reaction and the man paled instantly, pointing at the cupboard under the stairs.

“Do you call this a joke?” he growled getting angrier by the minute, but the man shook his head. He remembered the strange feeling he’d had. But those cupboards where extremely small, a person wouldn’t fit in there, could they?

Snape, who didn’t believe Potter to be in there, opened the door urgently.

What he saw shook Snape, the usually cold-hearted potions master, to his very bones. In the cupboard on an old and dirty mattress laid a half-conscious and bleeding boy who lived. With a quick step he was in front of the boy and crouched down, his head still touching the ceiling.

“Potter? Can you hear me?” the boy opened his eyes for a short moment, seemed to recognise his professor and allowed himself to fall in a pain free unconsciousness.  
Snape checked Potters state for safety and turned around to deal with Potters “relatives”. He pressed him against the wall.

“How dare you to force yourself onto him like this? He’s your nephew! WHERE is his wand?” trembling, he addressed him, pointing at a cupboard with many locks. Snape had to pull himself together to not curse this man into the next century. He didn’t even waste his thoughts on insults, he was far too angry for that.

Even though he didn’t like Potter much, THIS he didn’t deserve. Moreover the situation reminded him of his own childhood.  With a quick pace he reached the cupboard and whispered a quick “Alohomora”, shrunk his things and put them into the many hidden pockets of his robes. His wand was put into the holster on his forearm.

With eyes sparkling with anger he turned around one last time.

“You’ll hear from the headmaster and me very soon!” He growled. Then he stepped beside Harry picking him up and together they disapparated to his Manor.

He had intended to bring Potter into the Hogwarts infirmary but then he had realised that Poppy wasn’t there during the holidays, but in her home, not far away from Snape, with her family.

He conjured a Patronus and sent him to Poppy, asking her to come as fast as possible. Then he softly laid the boy onto his couch before he checked the boy with a quick diagnostic-spell. He immediately realised that he was malnourished and under-weight and that he had a broken arm. Snape shook his head devastated.

He had thought that Potter was just choosy when it came to food, and that this was the reason why he always was that thin at the beginning of the school year. The next moment Poppy appeared in his living room with a pop. Except for Albus and Minerva she was the only person the apparation-wards would let through.

“You terrible man, Severus! What did you do this time?” Yes, he and Poppy were good friends. She’d nursed him back to health often enough after he came back from the deatheater meetings or collapsed in front of her.

“Seems like I have to disappoint you, Poppy.  It’s Mr. Potter”, he answered and pointed towards the couch.

“My goodness! What happened to him?”

“Dumbledore asked me to check on him, because he assumed that he was treated poorly. I didn’t believe him, otherwise I’d have checked on him earlier”, he replied awkwardly.

“Don’t blame yourself about it. Noone would have expected something like that! How about you inform Albus of the situation and I shall continue to look after Mr.Potter”, the friendly mediwitch suggested. She was one of the few people who knew the “nice Snape”. That was because he owed her a great lot, for example: his life.

“You’re right.” He walked towards the fireplace and threw some floopowder into it.

“Dumbledore’s office, Hogwarts”, he said with a clear voice and disappeared.

 

Immediately he saw Fawkes and stood beside him. His long, elegant fingers stroked the soft feathers and stayed there while he was deep in his thoughts.

He really did like Poppy but he kept a certain distance between them. Why? Because Snape, in the few years of his short life, had experienced more than enough disappointments. Ever since Lily, he preferred to keep people away from him and most importantly, his heart. The young man everyone believed to be older than he was had been a happy young man. Despite his miserable childhood he had been an open-minded child.  Indeed he had spent much time reading but due to Lily’s friendship he had blossomed, at least till they went to Hogwarts. He had lived through enough rejection from his own father and later on his housemates and then Potter and his friends had been there, had nearly broken him. After losing Lily as a friend the boy named Severus had adopted the first traits of what he was today. The emotionlessness came after her death.

He had wanted his name to stand on that tombstone so badly, he had begged for it, screamed but in the end the only thing he could do, was to promise that he would protect her son. And now he knew that he had failed miserably.

Snape normally was the first one to see the signs of abuse and helped those children, of every Hogwarts house of course. People who were able to do those things to their children repelled him just as his own father repelled him. Since the fewest children came to him willingly, he had used his spy-senses to discover those children. He was good at it, pretty good, but his hate against Harry, or better his father, had blinded him. He hadn’t seen the signs and, retrospectively, had twisted the knife deeply into the wound.

The potions master was known for keeping his emotion and his temper at bay but he wasn’t able to do so with Potter. He truly admired the boy that he hadn’t already killed him.

The Phoenix rubbed his head against Severus hand and blinked at him questioningly.

“Would you search for Albus and bring him back here. We need him.” he asked the bird, which immediately flew away, with a soft voice.  He left a note on Albus desk and stepped back into the fireplace.

“Snape Manor”, he said while wondering how Albus always got his accurate presumptions.

 

The mediwitch flinched as the man of the house reappeared in the fireplace.

“Well, any new information?” he asked softly, fully aware that Poppy cared a great deal for Mr. Potter. Said person turned around and looked at the always black clothed man, worry evident in her face.

“I’m shocked, Severus. I don’t know how no one of us has noticed anything. The poor boy has so many badly healed fractures that he had to be in pain. Constantly. Bluntly put, he performed an excellent act over the last years. What about Albus?”

Snape turned is gaze from the deathly pale boy and looked at the small witch, who just measured up to his shoulder.

“I sent Fawkes, he’ll be here shortly. At least I hope he is, or else”, he growled.

“Did you give the boy some potions?" The mediwitch nodded

“But I have no pepper-up potions with me and-“

“You’re currently standing in the living room of a Potions master, Poopy”, he said calmly, but the corner of his mouth twitched ever so slightly. For a moment she seemed downright confused, and then she smiled.

“Of course, that little aspect slipped my mind”

With a bemused shake of his head the Slytherin opened the warded door to his lab and opened a cabinet.

“Please help yourself, Poppy.” While Snape walked back into the living room the first phials flew past him.  He asked his house elf for some tea and turned around just as the witch vanished the boy’s clothes. At the displayed view he froze. He was able to see every single bone the boy possessed, besides nearly no part of his body had a natural colour of skin. Scars, welts and bruises decorated his body. Despite the awful sight something black caught the professor’s attention. It was a Tattoo on Potters right hip, a very delicate Tattoo in form of a feather. As he took a closer look he notices that the feather consisted of letters that yield into names: Lily, James, Sirius, Remus, Albus, Ron and Hermione. Additional there were two dates: 31.10 and 01.09

Snape decided to ask the boy whether it had a deeper meaning than only the names of the people he loved. That was, if the boy would be in any state where it was appropriate to ask such a question.

Poppy didn’t seem to notice it for she was spelling the potions into the boys stomach.

Nobody would assume that the overgrown bat of the dungeons had a weakness for tattoos himself. His own body was festooned with three.

Poppy murmured to herself and a parchment, which wrote down every wound he had, appeared in front of her. Severus knew that Poopy couldn’t do anything for the boy right now so he waited for the tea, while she regarded Potter with sad eyes. He sighed.

Of course he was worried too. Who wouldn‘t, especially in this situation? Snapes own childhood hadn’t been nice. His family hadn’t exactly loved him, they had beaten, despised and ignored him but he’d never been near death, like Potter was right now. It was a downright miracle that he had survived.

And the boy, who lay on the couch unconscious, was their hope. The wizarding world expected that he  would fight the dark lord, despite the boy’s fear, loss  regardless of whether he even wanted to or not.  They expect him to be ready by the time the war would start and they expect that he would fight without fear. Severus was sure that Harry could defeat the dark lord, but the price he would have to pay was too high. Much too high!

A 16 year old boy should have other problems. And yet the boy hadn’t so much as complained about his fate just once. Just a month ago he had fought the dark lord and survived, but he paid a high price for it: Black.

He would make sure not to tell his thoughts about it to Potter or his Colleagues. The only person who knew his point of view was Albus himself.

With a crack the houself appeared with a tray of tea. He gave his thanks and turned to Poppy.

“Take a break Poppy. You’ve been working for over an hour now, you can’t do any more for him.  Come here, sit on the couch, drink a cup of tea and wait until Albus arrives”, he asked softly.  He presented her with one of his rare smiles and handed her a cup with slightly sugared tea. More than once he had gotten into the pleasure of her healing arts and afterwards had shared a cup of tea with her.

She had barely sat down as the sound of a pop startled them and a long bearded man with colourful robes appeared in Severus’ fireplace. The man looked around and froze as his eyes took in the sight of the pale boy.


	3. chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for the kind reviews.  
> Please keep in mind that I’m not a native speaker.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> „Because even a white rose  
> Has a black shadow”

Albus Dumbledore stood stiffly in the potions master’s living room, gaze locked firmly on the youth and he was very pale. He slowly walked towards Potter, cautiously, like as he was assuming that the boy would jump up any moment and declare that it was a silly joke.

  
“Don’t worry, Headmaster, you may most certainly believe what you’re seeing”, the black haired man said softly, but his voice had a sharp edge to it. This statement got the headmaster to finally turn around.

  
“Ah, Poppy. I should have known that you would be here… of course”, he said sincerely as he saw the small witch, but his expression was tainted with sorrow and guilt.

  
“What happened to the boy, Severus?” Said person motioned for his mentor to sit down and served him some tea, while he used the opportunity to erect his occlumency shields again, so his features wouldn’t betray his feelings. He tried to stay calm; he knew his mentor wasn’t to blame for this situation. Well, maybe a little. After all he had placed the boy with his relatives, but since Severus had hesitated to look after Potter he was just as guilty.  
After Severus had sat down again a black tomcat appeared in the living room. He padded clumsily towards the youth, the only person inside the room he didn’t know.

  
“Be good!”, Severus warned him just in case. His voice was unusually soft, at least for people who didn’t know him. Shadow meowed as if he had understood Snape, who turned towards his two other guests again. He trusted Shadow, implicitly.

  
“Well, Albus, I found him in this condition.”

  
“You mean his relatives did that?”

“I don’t mean, old man, I know! After Potters uncle welcomed me oh so kindly I decided to watch the house some more” the sarcasm in Severus voice was evident. “He said I couldn’t see Potters room because it was locked.” The Slytherin tried to catch the elder man’s gaze, but he avoided it. It had been a long time since this had last happened.

“Shortly after that I heard a scream so I went to investigate. I merely heard the end of a string of insults his uncle flung at Potter. Do you want to know what he said where the boy was, Albus? He pointed at a tiny cupboard under the stairs. I thought he was mocking me, but he didn’t! Potter lived in a wretched cupboard with a mattress! All of his things, including his wand, were locked away.”

While Poppy had turned deathly pale Dumbledore sipped on his tea.

“If I had suspected anything like that I would have given him to another family. I thought Petunia would care for her sister’s child. I couldn’t know that-“, but before he could finish his sentence, Snape had jumped to his feet, anger blazing in his eyes. He didn’t notice nor did he care that the tea cup he was holding shattered on the ground or that Poppy gasped due to his violent reaction. The witch had never see Severus this angry before. The young man planted himself in front of the old wizard.

“You didn’t know, Albus? Didn’t know?” he asked softly but threatingly. “Didn’t I tell you back then that Petunia hates everything ‘unnatural’ and that she despised magic? Didn’t I tell you that Petunia and Lily hadn’t had contact in years? That she despised her own sister and her husband? That she maybe even was happy that they were killed? I told you to give the boy to someone else. I begged for it and you dare to tell me that you didn’t know?” he steadily raised his voice but he didn’t yell.

“You can claim everything but you can’t claim that you didn’t know!” he said more calmly and gazed steadily at his mentor. He remembered quite well that he had begged Dumbledore after Lily’s death to not give the last thing remaining of Lily to those muggles. If the boy didn’t have her eyes and had not looked so much like his father, maybe he would have taken the boy in himself. Due to Lily’s wish he was named Potter’s official godfather, along with that mutt Black. Of course only the Headmaster knew; Snape himself hadn’t known until Black’s death. He hadn’t had much contact with Lily after Hogwarts. But, Dumbledore insisted that the boy would be safe with his relatives and that he would talk with Petunia. He had trusted him, and now he regretted that trust.  
Snape had sworn to protect the boy. Apparently he had failed as well. Taken aback by this realisation, he dropped back onto the couch unusually inelegant. With a flick of his wand he repaired the cup and vanished the mess. He didn’t notice the look Poppy gave him and glanced at the floor.

I apologise, Albus! I have failed my word equally.” Dumbledore wanted to answer but the Mediwitch was faster.

“What promise?” Before he or the Headmaster could answer Shadow jumped onto the couch and curled up in the potions masters lap. Without realizing it he stroked the little head, little because even though Shadow was fully grown he still was merely bigger than a baby kitten. Severus thought that Shadow was extremely cute but he’d cut out his tongue before he’d admit that.

“After Lily’s death I swore to protect the boy”, he explained softly avoiding her eyes.

“But you yourself tormented the boy, Severus. It always seemed like you hate each other!”

“Hate is a strong word, Poppy, a word one shouldn’t use carelessly. I did never hate Mr. Potter even though I have to admit that I don’t exactly like him. And my behaviour towards him, although if it mainly was protection against the children of death eaters, didn’t intensify his attachment towards me.”

“Would you have treated him different if the circumstances had been different as well?”  
Severus sighed.

“No. he is too much of a reminder of a person I held very dearly and another person I loathed as dearly as I loved the other one.” He didn’t look at her but he knew that she understood. Shadow obviously had enough of Severus strokes and appeared to notice that the topic, which made his owner restless and sad, was over. He jumped on the ground, nudged Poppys and Albus legs and walked back towards Harry. The Mediwitch watched critically as he jumped up beside Harry and curled up against his legs.  
Dumbledores eyes twinkled like mad. No! Please Lord no! The last time Snape had seen Albus eyes twinkle as madly as they were now didn’t end well for him. There had never been a positive ending for him if those eyes started twinkling…

“It seems that Shadow likes Harry. Considering that, I don’t see a reason why Harry shouldn’t stay here for the remainder of the holidays.”  
Poppy and Snape leaped to their feet at the same time and started talking insistently but he just raised a hand. They fell silent and he sat up a little straighter.

“I fully understand that you’re worrying about Harry, Poppy, but I can assure you that he is in good hands. I doubt that his friend’s coddling would do him any good. They would try to distract him from what happened, but Harry has to face what has happened. Only if he does, can he accept his past and only if he accepts it he can heal. I can reassure you that Severus has some experience with that. And now to your arguments, my child; as you undoubtedly know it wouldn’t do him any good to be around the Weasleys, the difference between in which circumstances he lived a few hours ago and them would be too much. I trust that you Severus are equal to the situation. Merlin’s beard, the world needs Harry now more than ever. The magical world needs its saviour.”

“Albus! Potter may be our hope but look at him. Does he look like he could defeat the dark lord just now? He’s 16 Albus, he-“, he groaned inwardly as he saw the madly twinkling eyes of the Headmaster. He should have known that the old coot had planned for this answer. Dumbledore turned towards Poppy.

“Do you believe me now, that Harry will be fine with Severus?” The witch nodded and smiled at the potions master, who gritted his teeth.

“Very well then”, he finally agreed glumly.

“Now that the problem is solved. Does anyone want a lemon drop?”

“Albus!” the two other people gaped. Before the lemon drop loving wizard could answer Shadow meowed and turned their attention towards Harry, who just happened to wake up. Harry was only half awake and seemed to believe that he was still with his relatives. The youth curled into himself.

“Please Uncle Vernon, I’ll be good, please…” he begged and started to tremble. It was a pitiful image and Poppy stood up and moved towards the boy, touching his arm lightly.

“Mr.Potter? Harry?”, but the boy flinched and a whimper escaped his lips.

“Harry, you’re safe, your relatives aren’t here…” No reaction.

“Please, no”, the boy whispered inaudible. Poppy sighed.

“Severus, do you have some dreamless sleep potion?”  
He quickly summoned one from his lab and gave it to the witch, who spelled it into the boy’s stomach. A few moments later the room was very quiet only disturbed by Shadows quiet purr.

“He should sleep until tomorrow”, Poppy stated quietly.  
She looked at Severus and was surprised to see different emotions in his eyes: Worry, fear and something approaching anger, supposedly against the Dursleys. The headmaster’s eyes showed guilt, guilt and sorrow.

“I suggest that I treat the remaining wounds and then we should leave them alone, Albus. They both need some quiet and, more importantly, sleep.”  
Albus sighed and nodded.


	4. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for your kind Reviews. 
> 
> Again I’m sorry for any mistakes, keep in mind that I’m not a native speaker. 
> 
> This chapter contains Non-Con. I marked the start and the end so you can skip it. It’s not very detailed, not in this chapter anyway, but it may be triggering.
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
> “There are memories that time does not erase...  
> Forever does not make loss forgettable, only bearable.”  
> ― Cassandra Clare, City of Heavenly Fire

A few hours later after he had checked on the youth, Severus Snape sat down in the armchair in front of the fireplace and reached for the teapot that still stood on the table.  
The Headmaster and Poppy had left a bit over an hour ago and the potions master enjoyed the quiet. Well, the sight of Potter on his couch was far away from “normal” or “quiet”, just like the look of the boy himself: pale, vulnerable and strangely younger than usual.

He silently admired the boy for his bravery in fighting the dark lord time and time again and never showing fear. But now there was nothing to be seen of this brave young man and Snape asked himself if there were signs of what happened at his relatives. Maybe they should ask Potter’s two companions. They should be notified anyway because they would do something out of concern about their friend. He summoned parchment, a quill and ink and wrote a letter to the Weasleys and one to Miss Granger.

Good day Miss Granger,  
I have to inform you that Mr. Potter will, due to an unexpected incident at his relatives, spent the remainder of the holidays at Snape Manor.  
Mr. Potter’s condition is poor. Regarding some questions, I will await your and Mr. Weasleys arrival via Floonetwork next Tuesday at 4 pm.

Prof. S. Snape

Yes, that would do, he had written down the necessary information so he only changed the name for the second latter. The potions master hated beating round the bush and writing letters surly wasn’t his favourite occupation. He took the letters and flooed to Dumbledores office, feeling certain that said person wasn’t there anymore. It turned out that he was right. Without further ado he strode towards the owlery since he himself didn’t possess an owl. He only had his tomcat.

All of a sudden he felt wistful. He really did only have Shadow. Dumbledore was his mentor, sure, but he didn’t believe that the man would be interested or worried if he wouldn’t be a spy. And his deatheater friends, well, they were tools to keep his cover.

“It’s your own fault”, he murmured to himself while he tied the letters on the owls leg and made his way back to the gargoyle.  
Severus Snape once had many friends, something no one would ever believe him. But that was back then, when Severus had been casual and up to fun, a time where he had been genuinely happy.

After Lily’s death he had severed all contact with his friends. And if he was honest to himself, they wouldn’t want to have anything to do with him, not anymore, not after such a long time, not after how he had acted towards them even if they had only wanted to help him. Indeed, he still missed their regular meetings in bars to play cards or just talk. Or the many birthday celebrations. Or Christmas. They had always met up on Christmas day celebrating, often with all their families. Yes, he really missed all of that.  
Standing in front of the gargoyle he remembered that he didn’t know the new password and tried the old one, to no avail. Sighting he strode towards his own chambers to use the floo in there.

The first thing he did as he reappeared in his living room was check on the youth. His condition hadn’t changed, only Shadow didn’t lie beside him anymore but had curled up on his lap. He looked around his living room, which walls were kept in shades of blue and cream with golden accents and lined with bookshelves. The one side consisted out of huge glass windows, giving an amazing view over the park. As cosy as he thought it was he couldn’t leave the boy in there.

He conjured a stretcher and gently placed the boy on it, walking towards the door and going upstairs thinking about which room was best. Out of the four rooms there were only two he could use, his own rooms and the ones of his younger sister. He gritted his teeth. After her death he had wanted to leave her rooms untouched but he couldn’t use his own rooms for several reasons. He obviously had no choice but to use her rooms. He opened the door, gently laid the boy on the bed, tucked him in, cast several spells to inform him if something should be wrong or he woke and almost ran out of the room again, without looking at anything, and closing the door behind him. He took a deep breath and slowly walked towards his own rooms, sitting down on his bed. He closed his eyes.

After the Dark Lord had killed his beloved sister he had spent much time in her room tormenting himself with the memories. After he had been able to leave the room he had sworn that he’d never ever again set foot in it. Severus felt the burning sensation in his eyes and a few tears that spilled over his cheeks. He had never gotten over her death; he had loved her too much. Her room had brought up all the old memories, and those memories were the only things he had left of her, except for a plain silver ring he wore on his left hand. It had been her last Christmas present and her name, Amalia, was engraved.

With all his might he tried to push the memories from his mind and remembered that he still carried Potters things with him. He realized that he hadn’t seen the boy’s owl anywhere. Snape took the things out of his robes and changed them back to their original size. Curiously he opened the trunk and found robes, books and parchment. Some loose pictures and a leather bound book caught his eye. He knew he shouldn’t look at them but he couldn’t help himself.

The first picture showed Lily and James and Severus couldn’t take his eyes off from her happy face. As much as he hated James Potter, he couldn’t help but admit that he had made her happy. The second picture too showed Lily and James holding baby Harry. He felt a lump in his throat and quickly looked at the third picture. It obviously was a picture from last school year showing Potter and his two friends arm in arm in front of the lake. He gently put the pictures back into the trunk and opened the book, freezing instantly. It was a picture of Lily the age she and Severus had first met. There were several pictures of Lily and James, together and alone, followed by pictures of Harry and his friends.

Potter and Weasley after the sorting, Potter and Granger in the common room, the Quidditch-team, the Weasleys, the trio, Dumbledores Army and many more. He wanted to close the book but noticed some pictures at the back. All of the people showed in them were dead: Lily, Potter, Diggory and Black.  
He went back to the pictures of the youths and closed the book with a slight smile, which instantly disappeared as soon as he noticed it, and put the book back into the trunk.  
He then changed into night clothes and went to bed in hope of getting some sleep

 

To him it seemed like only a few minutes had passed since he was woken by the monitoring charms over the boy. He needed only a few seconds to realize that and just as many seconds until he was beside the boy. Potter thrashed and turned murmuring and whimpering. Severus cast a soft Lumos and gently touched a hand to the boy’s forehead. He was burning up! Severus conjured a cool washcloth and a chair in front of the bed, sat down and started to gently dap off the boy’s face. The moment he wanted to stand up the boy gritted his teeth and gasped. Snape began to really worry about him; he should be asleep till tomorrow morning at least.

“Potter”, he murmured. “You have to wake up!” It didn’t help. Even as he started to shake the boy and nearly screamed his name he didn’t react. He tried different potions, but it didn’t work. The boy seemed to be in a great deal of pain. Severus sighed but drew his wand. He didn’t want to do this and he shouldn’t but he couldn’t bear to see the boy like this. He wasn’t even sure he wanted to see what the boy lived through. He braced himself and whispered “Legilimens”.

But he didn’t feel Potters presence but another one that he knew very well and made him shudder. Suddenly a scene appeared in front of his eyes. Harry was maybe six or seven years old and it seemed to be dinner time. The boy did the washing up and prepared coffee for his relatives.  
“Remember that you have to clean the bathroom, still. Freak”, his uncle yelled at him and turned back towards the TV. The little boy shuddered but went up the stairs silently. He barely reached the top as Vernon Dursley said he would look after him and went after the boy, anticipation in his eyes. Snape followed him upstairs and into the bathroom. The boy looked scared.

“Please Uncle, I’ve been good today” Vernon grinned maliciously.

“Did you do all of your chores?” The child nodded hastily.

“I made breakfast, did the gardening, cleaned the living room, made dinner, tidied Dudley’s room, made tea and dinner!” Severus swallowed thickly, that weren’t chores for a six year old child.

“And what did you forgot?” The child’s eyes widened in horror.  
“Shopping, Uncle”

******Warning****** Non-con***** don’t read if you don’t want to*****

“Right, and that’s why you’ll good to me now!”

“No, please. I don’t want to!” he sobbed and curled into a ball.

“Come here this instant, Freak!” But the child only sobbed heartbreakingly and shook his head. His uncle pulled him roughly towards him and the boys head hit the bathtub.

“Take off your clothes!” the man ordered. But because of the hard blow to his head he was dazed and couldn’t react. Severus closed his eyes and heard the whimpering sounds of the child as it was brutally hit by his uncle but opened the again as Dursley spoke again.

“And now open up and I better not feel any teeth, or else! That seems to be the only thing one can use you for, worthless freak!” The meaty man opened his trousers and Harry opened his mouth, doing what he was ordered to do. Severus closed his eyes again, how could anybody be so cruel? He took a deep breath and opened his eyes again. Vernon Dursley was grunting and thrusting into the boy’smouth and Snape felt ill at seeing this. He turned his back towards the scene.

“Please stop”, the boy pleaded, but it wasn’t the voice of the little child but of the youth that was lying in his bed in Snape Manor. Instantly a cruel, cold laugh sounded and made him shudder.  
He turned around again, seeing Dursleys genetic material dispersed over the boy’s face.  
He made a decision. Cover as spy or not he couldn’t stand seeing that. He cancelled the spell that kept his presence hidden.

****** Non- con ends here******

“Severus, my loyal servant, what are you doing here?” But he ignored the Dark Lord and concentrated on the boy.

“Potter, can you hear me?”

“Professor Snape?”

“Yes. Try to concentrate on different memories, your friends, Hogwarts or anything else”  
The image of Hogwarts at Christmas appeared in front of him, but his now livid master conjured scenes and images from the boy’s relatives.

“Harry, concentrate on good memories, that’s the only way to get him out of your head. Please”  
Maybe it was because of his gentle tone, the use of his given name or the ‘please’, but the boy tried with all his might to conjure positive things. Memories of Black, Saturdays in Hogsmead with his friends, winning the Quidditch cup.  
Snape was touched by these memories, even though he’d never admit it. He had loathed the mutt named Black but he couldn’t help but think that he had done the boy some good.

Suddenly every picture disappeared and the insane laughter sounded again.

“Foolish boy, you will lose everything. And Severus, you’ll dearly regret your treachery.”  
With a painful gasp he was pushed out of the boys mind, who was deathly pale and lifeless. He felt panic rise within him and felt for the youth’s pulse. Thankfully he was only unconscious. While the memories replayed in his head he mechanically took the blanket from the floor and tucked the boy in before he went back to his rooms.

“Bipo?” he called for his houself, free houself. He didn’t like the thought to have unpaid slaves in his home. The elf appeared only few seconds later.

“Master Snape, Sir?”

“Would you bring me some strong tea, please?”

“Of course, Sir! If Bipo is allowed to ask, Sir, who is the youngling in the defunct Mistresses rooms?”

“It’s Harry Potter. He will stay here during the holidays. Please inform Marla that he will eat light foods for the next weeks, since he was starved and needs to get used to normal food again.”

“Yes, Master Snape Sir!” With a pop he disappeared again.  
After a few minutes a tray with strong herbal tea appeared in front of Severus. He leaned back in his armchair and took a sip. After what he had seen it would surely be a short night and a much too long day.


	5. chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> “I don't want to live in the kind of world where we don't look out for each other. Not just the people that are close to us, but anybody who needs a helping hand. I can’t change the way anybody else thinks, or what they choose to do, but I can do my bit.”  
> ― Charles de Lint

In the morning if 11:25 am still counts as such, a raven haired boy opened his eyes to strange surroundings. Snape himself woke up due to the protective wards and spells he had erected around the youth. He hurriedly put on his dressing grown, which was of course black and strode towards the “boy’s room“. It was highly unusual for him to still be asleep at such a time but he had tried to contact Dumbledore the better part of the night to explain that his cover as a spy had been blown. Without success, of course.  
As he stepped into the room without knocking beforehand the boy turned towards him, looking rather disorientated and confused.

“Welcome back to the living, Mr. Potter!” he muttered. He wasn’t able to come up with something else since he had just woken up and hadn’t drunken any coffee just yet. Thank goodness his colleagues knew that there wasn’t blood in his veins ,but pure black coffee and that if one values one’s life they shouldn’t ask him questions before he had had any coffee in the morning. Of course the boy didn’t know that.

“Professor? Where am I and what happened?” the boy asked. But Snape wasn’t able to answer with a scathing remark so he just murmured that the boy should please refrain from asking him questions until he had some coffee, whereupon he asked for Bipo to bring Potter breakfast and himself some coffee.  
In the meantime the boy looked around the room and was about to sit up but Severus gently pushed him down again.

“Lie down, you’re in no condition to get up just yet. Wait until Bipo brings your breakfast, then we can talk.” He pulled up a chair from the desk beside the bed and tried to force back each and every memory of Amalia.

“You’re in Snape Manor, Mr. Potter. Do you remember what happened yesterday?”  
The Spy observed sharp-eyed as the boy tried to remember while he looked through the huge wall made out of class besides the bed. It provided a good view over the park that surrounded the manor. For Snape it was easy to tell that Potter knew what happened, but that he wasn’t sure how much he should tell.

“Potter?” he inquired again.

“Huh... no, uhm, I don’t remember, Sir.”  
The black haired man beside the bed sighed inaudibly and took a sip of coffee, which had just appeared.

“I suggest you tell me the truth Mr. Potter, otherwise you’ll wear out my hospitality very quickly.”  
Right then the boy’s breakfast appeared. The boy wanted to answer something, but it was then that a bell announced that either Poppy or Dumbledore had appeared in his fireplace.

“Eat and stay in bed. I’ll be right back”, he said with a slight warning but gentle tone and left the room to go down into the living room, in the middle of it stood a man in colourful robes.

“Albus”, he was greeted by Snape.

“Severus, my boy. How’s Harry?”

“He just woke up.”

“Just like you, I’d say”, the elderly wizard concluded with sparkling eyes. “But you tried to contact me. I take it’s serious?” Severus nodded.

“Yes, the Dark Lord found out that I’m not loyal to him” Dumbledore paled and sat down on the sofa.

“What happened?” The Sparkling in his eyes was no longer present.

“He invaded Potters mind and forced him to relive his worst memories again”, he gritted his teeth.

“And?”

“He wasn’t able to defend himself, quite understandable considering those memories, so I helped him”

“So Voldemort noticed your presence?” Severus flinched and glared at the other man.

“I had to drop the notice-me-not-spell to help Potter” Albus just looked at him for a while, silently.

“Then you have to convince Voldemort that I forced you to help him”, was his flat answer.

“Well, then you can take the boy with you for I will not survive this meeting!” he said just as soberly as his mentor had, looking him in the eyes.

"You have to try it, Severus. You still have your emergency portkey, don’t you?”

“If I am still in the condition to use it," he retorted.

“Please, Severus…”

“No, Albus. I have risked my life for 17 years; every meeting could have been my death sentence. I have killed innocent people, children, Albus CHILDREN, to keep my cover. Things I never wanted to do, things I never will forget or forgive myself for!” His hands balled into fists as he tried to compose his temper.

“All those things would have been in vain if you don’t try to convince him now. You will try it, Severus. That is my last word on this matter!” With that said Dumbledore left behind a man that was shaking with rage.  
How could the old coot ask that of him? After everything he had done! He ran a hand through his hair and tried to compose himself, taking several deep breaths and counted from ten backwards. In Latin. After a few moments he had pulled himself together and made his way back to Potter.

“Ungrateful old fool”, he muttered under his breath while he climbed up the stairs. Now he certainly wasn’t in the mood to deal with the Potter brat. Thanks to Dumbledore but he had to get the boy to admit that he knew what happened. It wasn’t the first time Snape dealt with a child that had been abused and he knew that the boy had to accept the truth so he could deal with it and therefore come to terms with it, sooner rather than later. But as he opened the door he noticed that Potter hadn’t moved, not even a centimetre.

“Potter?” No reaction

“Potter! Harry?” he waved his hand in front of the boy’s face. The youth flinched. Snape was about to say something but unfortunally in that moment a sharp pain in his left forearm stopped him in his tracks. He took a deep breath and clamped down a hand over it, his natural reaction. If he wanted to survive this meeting he shouldn’t dawdle.

“Potter, you’ll stay in this manor and listen to Bipo, and for Merlin’s sake; eat something!”

“But-“

“What exactly did you not understand? Surely those two orders didn’t over exert your brain?” he interrupted the boy in hopes that he wouldn’t delay him further.

“Do you have a death wish? Voldemort knows that you’re a spy, he will kill you!”

“This chance existed for 17 years now, Potter; I’m quite used to it!” With that said he left the room, dressed in his death eater robes and his mask and followed the call.  
He appeared in the mass of death eaters and stayed hidden for approximately 10 seconds.

“Severus, I didn’t think you would be here today” sounded the cold voice of the Dark Lord.

“My Lord?” he feigned ignorance.

“Do I have to remind you of our meeting last night?” He wanted to answer the question with the story he had prepared, consisting of Dumbledore forcing him, but he was too slow. The Dark Lord already had spoken his curse: “Crucio!”  
Snape felt the blinding pain run through his body and gritted his teeth. He wouldn’t give up that easily and he definitely would keep his dignity. He tried to control the pain; after all it wasn’t the first time he had to endure this specific curse. As the other wizard kept the curse up for several minutes the black haired man sank slowly to his knees, but he didn’t utter a single sound that betrayed his pain.

“My my, Severus. Stronger than I thought”, the cruel laughter rang through the room. “We will have much fun with each other… Crucio!”  
Snape could feel his muscles spasm and the increasing pain but he still gritted his teeth. He wouldn’t die whimpering and begging. He would die with dignity and acceptance.

 

OoOoOoOoOo

 

Harry startled out of the vision he had. Snape had managed to escape! More or less. An impressive performance, after nearly two hours of Voldemorts torture, to still be able to apparate. The sound of breaking glass startled the boy out of his daze and in a blink he was standing. His whole body was trembling but not because of fear but because he was still weak and exhausted. He walked to the room beside his as fast as he was able to, but froze at the picture in front of him. Overcoming his stupor he rushed towards the hurt potions master who was huddled in a corner. It didn’t matter if he liked him or not, despite that he deeply respected the man for the bravery he had shown.

“Professor, can you hear me?” He didn’t get an answer. Kneeling beside the man he reached out for him but the man flinched. Remembering the houself he asked for Bipo.

“Please!” Snapes voice was hoarse and weak. He heard a pop and Bipo appeared, pulling on his ears panicked as he saw his master.

“What can Bipo do to help Master Snape, Mr. Harry Potter, Sir?

“Do you have access to Professor Snapes potions?” The elf nodded.

“Good. I need some potions: Blood replenishing potion, painkiller, anti-cruciatus-potion, dreamless sleep, pepperup-potion, water, some washcloth and bandages. Oh and some ointment.” Only a few seconds later the elf returned again with the required things.

“Can you levitate him onto the bed? He doesn’t want to be touched.” Bipo did as he was asked.

“Thank you, Bipo. He’ll be fine!” nodding the elf left reluctantly.  
The youth turned back towards his professor and decided that the man needed the anti-cruciatus-potion first if the tremors were any indication. Gently he pressed the vial against his lips.

“You have to drink this, professor, please.” Indeed the man drank every potion without as much as a fight until they reached the dreamless sleep. With much effort he turned his head away.

“No, please. No.”, his voice was breaking and he was actually pleading. Severus Snape, Pleading! Harry bit his lip; he had to take this potion.

“Sorry, Professor!” he muttered under his breath and plugged his nose while carefully tipping the vial into the man’s mouth until he was forced to swallow.

Soon after that the man was asleep and even the painful expression had left his face. To Harry he looked unusually young and relaxed. After he had checked that the man was indeed asleep, he took a deep breath and sat down for a short moment.  
To see Snape in this condition was terrifying. And what he had seen in his vision too, Snape convulsing in pain, whimpering, screaming. Never in all his life had he thought of seeing this man in such a condition, nor had he wished too.

Sighing again he stood and took off the man’s remaining death eater robes. It took him a while until he realised that the opening was on the side. Gasping as he saw the several wounds he put the water, washcloths, ointment and bandages beside him and began to treat them, starting with the deepest. First he cleared a deep cut on the man’s upper arm which he had noticed first, since Snape was indeed wearing a black t-shirt and black jeans. The wound was followed by one at his neck and on his forearm where the dark mark was. Then he cleaned one on the man’s side. After that he carefully rubbed the ointment in and bound them up tightly. Following this he treated the minor cuts and burns and, in the end sat down onto the chair beside the bed. Fever was a usual reaction to such wounds and he didn’t want to risk anything. He took an interesting looking book off the shelf and sat down again. How do the moon phases influence magical potion ingredients? Of course…

Harry stayed with the man as the fever started to rise, as he clung to his hand, obviously believing he was someone else, and muttered apologies over and over again.  
Harry was there to comfort him, to calm him and to pat his forehead with a cold washcloth.  
Harry remained as Snape slept peacefully once again but still kept hold of his hand, because the boy knew how it felt to be alone in such a situation.  
As soon as the adrenalin had left his body the boy fell into an exhausted sleep.


	6. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chapter five in which Severus wakes up, he and Harry have their first real talk and we learn something about Severus's past.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Guilt is cancer. Guilt will confine you, torture you, destroy you as an artist. It's a black wall. It's a thief."  
> Dave Grohl

As Snape woke he felt that there was something besides him and something warm was touching his hand. He turned his head and froze. Potter’s head lay on his arm, while said person was sleeping. His other arm lead to his own hand, but it wasn’t Potter that held it. No, obviously Snape had grabbed the boy’s hand. He remembered the Death Eater meeting and that he’d been barely conscious enough to apparate back home. He sighted, Potter seemed to have taken care of him. Noticing that he still held the boys hand, he snatched his away. Startled by the move the boy woke up. In an instant he sat up straight and gazed at Snape.

“How do you feel, Professor?” Snape was downright positive that he had imagined the concern in Potter’s voice. And even if he hadn’t, he wouldn’t accept pity from the-boy-who-lived. Out of habit he growled at the boy to leave him alone. For a second one could see a flare of hurt and disappointment in his eyes, before he was no longer sitting in front of him and the sound of the slamming door was echoing in the potions master’s head. He heard the door of the boy’s room and slumped back into the pillows.

He knew that he should be grateful. His wounds were nearly healed and he didn’t feel any effects of the Cruciatus. If Potter hadn’t helped him, the nerve damage could have been permanent and the wounds would have scarred. But he just wasn’t used to help and frankly he didn’t know how to react. He sighed again and sat up.

He really should apologize. He wasn’t known for apologizing, but he knew he should do it anyway. After all, Potter would spend the rest of the holidays with him and he wasn’t keen on more arguments than necessary. He reluctantly stood up, got dressed, brushed his teeth and made his way to the boy’s room. Taking a deep breath he knocked.

“Yes?” Snape hesitated before he opened the door stepped into the room. He looked at the young man but he couldn’t find a trace of anger or annoyance, just a neutral look.

“Do you need help with something, Professor?

“No, I- I want to apologize for my reaction earlier. It-”but the boy interrupted him.

“It’s all right, Sir.” The next moment Snape utterly surprised the hell out of himself.

“No, it’s not. I’m not a person who accepts pity, concern, or help, especially not from my students. But that doesn’t justify my reaction.” Where the hell had that come from?  
Potter eyed him critically, but after a second a hesitant smile reached his lips.

“I know, Sir. But I also know how it feels to be alone when one is in need of help or company. Besides, Hogwarts would be missing something without its sour bat, don’t you think?” His smile broadened some and Snape could feel the corner of his mouth twitching.

“The students would be out of control and Dumbledore would give them sweets for the good pranks instead of detention” he answered dryly.

“Maybe you should have breakfast, Sir. One could think you were nice”, the boy replied just as drily and Snape tried to hide his smile with some effort.

“Well, if that’s true I should definitely do so. I reckon you haven’t eaten anything yet?” He shook his head no and followed his professor downstairs and through a door into the kitchen.

“Bipo?” Snape asked and the little elf appeared.

“Master Snape, Sir, you are well again, Sir!” The man inclined his head to show that he appreciated the elf’s concern.

“What can Bipo do for Masters?”

“We would like some breakfast, please.” During the short conversation Harry had sat down at the little table in the living room and Snape sat down gracefully opposite of him.

“Bipo could show you around the Manor after we have eaten”, he told the boy who nodded absently. The following silence Snape welcomed since he had slept a bit but was still tired and exhausted. Furthermore he hadn’t had his coffee.

Only a few minutes later breakfast appeared with a quiet plopp, which caused the boy to flinch.

“Help yourself, Potter” the black haired man said. Potter looked up and hesitantly took a piece of toast, while he glanced at his professor every now and then to make certain that he wouldn’t snatch the food away. It’s not like the Dursleys wouldn’t have done that.

“Merlin’s beard, Potter, just take what you want to eat, it’s not like I would take it away. You should gain weight anyway, so take as much as you want.” The boy flinched again and almost dropped the toast. He then muttered an apology and started eating. As Snape looked up again he had finished the toast but didn’t take anything else. As he noticed his teachers gaze he uncertainly looked up.

“Sir?”

“Do you want to tell me that you’re already sated?” He nodded and seemed to shrink under the stern gaze. Snape had a suspicion.

“How often did you get to eat at your relative’s home?” he asked and got an inaudible reply.

“If you could repeat that?”

“Once a week, maybe twice.”  
For a moment there was sympathy, concern and anger in the man’s eyes, but in the next moment he summoned a nutrient potion, ignoring the boy’s flinching. He held it out.

“Nutrient-Potion”, he explained. “You’ll take some time to get used to normal food again, to get the needed nutrition you’ll have to take this potion”  
The boy hesitated before he took the vial and emptied it wat once, only pulling a face shortly. And Snape had to admit that the potion indeed was vial.

“If you feel good enough you can call Bipo and he’ll show you the house. I’d do it myself but I fear that I wouldn’t be able to.”  
Harry smiled a bit and nodded. The older man stood up, slowly and obviously struggled a bit with it.

“If you need me, I’ll be in my rooms”

“Thanks, Professor.” The man only nodded and vanished from the room. Only as he had left he realised that Snape himself hadn’t eaten anything. Shaking his head he called for Bipo, who appeared instantly.

“How can Bipo help Master Potter?” he bowed.

“Sn- Professor Snape said that you would show me around the house if you’ve got the time” Bipo nodded and grabbed his hand, pulling him through a door into the corridor and pointed at the room they’d just come out.

“This is the kitchen, Master Harry Potter, sir. The room on the left next to it is the dinning-room; next to it is a room where one can practise duelling. Across from it is a little bathroom, containing a shower.” The elf pulled him back towards the kitchen, pointing towards the door besides the stairs.

“This is the living room, Sir, and on the right side of the stairs is Master Severus office. It’s adjoint by a lab and a store room for the ingredients, but you are not allowed in there, Master Harry Potter, sir.” Next they went upstairs. “Just besides the stairs is the library. On the left side are Master Severus’ rooms and the old rooms of Master's sister, which you’re staying in. On the other side are two guest rooms and a games room.” Apparently they were finished, so Harry smiled at the little elf and thanked him. Bipo then vanished and the boy decided to have a look at the library. While he was walking towards the door he thought about what he’d just learned. Snape had a sister… But why did they put him in her room and not in one of the guest rooms?

As he opened the door he froze. The library didn’t have stone walls but was surrounded by a glass dome. The room was huge and the front side of the building seemed to be a semi-circle. Taking a few steps into the room he could see that the dome was surrounded by a marble balcony. He walked through the array of bookshelves and headed towards the door that led outside and onto the balcony.  
Only as he had walked to the balustrade and gazed at the park below it did he noticed the Snape standing some feet away from him. He nodded at him.

“Sir.”

“I take it that Bipo has shown you around?” Harry nodded again.

“I will only warn you once: My rooms, my office and the duelling room are off-limit to you. If I should find you in there, Mr. Potter, you won’t the like the consequences.” Harry just nodded again, he didn’t know how to answer that, but the potions master seemed content with it and left the balcony without another word.

“Apparently he had been in one of his good moods this morning” he muttered silently and went inside again to look at some of the books.

 

Snape sat down in his armchair in front of the fireplace. He wasn’t too sure how he should endure the remaining weeks with Potter. Even though his opinions and presumptions about the boy had been wrong didn’t mean that he suddenly liked him, even if the morning had been bearable. Furthermore he wasn’t used to have other people around, not in his home at least. He still hadn’t accepted that Potter stayed in Amalia’s old room. But, it had been his decision. He summoned a glass of fire whiskey and sipped at it. He’d have to make the best of it and explain some rules during lunch.  
Lost in thought he caressed the golden ring he wore.

“I’m so sorry, Amalia. He should have killed me, not you. I hope you’ll be able to forgive me when I see you again.” he said silently, staring into the fire and continued to caress the ring.


	7. chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Every man has his secret sorrows which the world knows not; and often times we call a man cold when he is only sad."  
> — Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

Harry sat in the library, a muggle science book about metabolism in his hands. He was so deeply absorbed in it that he jumped a little when he suddenly heard Snape’s baritone voice behind him.

“Sir?”

“It’s lunch time in half an hour” Snape informed him. The boy closed the book and stood up to put it away where he’d got it from.

“As long as you take care of the book, you can take it to your room and read it there. This rule applies to every book in here, except the ones in the shelf at the back. Under no circumstances you are to take or read one of those books before you have asked me.” Harry looked up, surprised. He definitely hadn’t expected this.

“Thank you, Sir!” the black-haired man just nodded and looked at the book he was holding.

“The metabolic litigations? Since when are you interested in muggle science?” Potter looked at the floor, obviously thinking about what he should say.

“Ehm, I’ve read Dudley’s old books during the holidays.” It was very plainly obvious that he didn’t want to talk about ‘the holidays’, however he had to give him credits for even answering him, though the information was more or less irrelevant.

“Are you only interested in science or are there other subjects?”  
Green eyes looked at him, surprised, maybe because his temperamental, evil Professor showed a bit of interest.

“Science and educational theory are interesting”, was the quiet reply.

“The shelf on the left side wall, which is exactly in the middle, mostly contains muggle books. There should be some about science; I’m not sure about educational theory.”  
A small smile played around the boy’s mouth: “Thank you, Sir!”  
Snape causally waved his hand.

“Bring the book to your room and come down for lunch”, with those words the dark-haired man turned around and left, leaving an utterly surprised Harry. Snape himself was equally surprised that he just had a civil conversation with the boy.

Harry put away the book, thinking about whether Snape could indeed be friendly and only played the role of the dungeon’s bat. Most likely he’d be his usual moody self during lunch. He carefully deposited the book and made his way towards the kitchen. It smelled like a very delicious potato soup. After a moment’s hesitation he took a step into the room and sat down opposite Snape, who nodded at him and started eating, while reading a magazine called ‘potions weekly’.

He furrowed his brow about a highly ridiculous article about Polyjuice potion, and noticed that the boy wasn’t eating, he sighed.

“What are you waiting for, Mr. Potter? Take some and eat.” Just like he had done this morning, the boy hesitantly took some food. To be honest Snape hadn’t expected the boy to grab the food and wolf it down, but he also hadn’t expected that the boy would eat only if he’d get an order. As soon as the boy got used to his new surroundings, he’d try to get the boy to talk about it. It wouldn’t do to force him to tell something, especially since sexual abuse seemed to play a huge role if the memories of last night were anything to go by. He noticed that the boy didn’t eat much, again, but didn’t comment on it. As the boy pushed away the bowl he cleared his throat.

“I think, we should talk about some rules for your stay”, he said calmly. The boy tensed but nodded.

“Firstly, you will not miss a meal without a reason. Breakfast is at 9 o’clock, lunch at 1 pm and dinner at 8:30. Secondly, you are allowed to enter any room except for my rooms, my office and the duelling room, the latter only accompanied by Bipo or me. Thirdly, you don’t have to work for food or shelter. However, I expect you to keep your room clean and tidy. If you want to do some work or help with something, you can ask Bipo or me. Fourthly, you can send your letters with my owl. Lastly, you will work on your essays and schoolwork during the holidays. Do you have questions?” Snape had spoken in a calm and soft voice. Still, Potter hesitated a moment.

“I don’t have school things, Sir.”

“And why is that if I may ask?” he made sure that his voice was still neutral but soft.

“The Dursleys burnt them,” was the answer. The potions master didn’t let the shock show on his face and gazed at the boy.

“And your owl?” For just a moment there was hurt in his eyes.

“Burnt, too. Everything, except for a photobook and my wand.”  
Snape didn’t know what to say, so he tried to bypass the moment by taking a long sip of his coffee.  
Harry stared at the table. A strange pulsing seemed to radiate from Snape, waves of magic. He could sense fury and anger and as he looked up he could see exactly those in his eyes. But somehow he knew that that rage wasn’t against him.

“Professor?” he asked cautious. With a sudden movement Snape put his cup on the table and left the room. Harry stared at the place where his professor had been sitting just a moment ago and tried to understand what he’d just seen. Still confused he got up and placed his bowl in the sink. As he went to take Snape’s he noticed that the man hadn’t even eaten the half of it. He realised that it was the second time that day that Snape had only eaten a few bites and he decided he would try to keep an eye on it during supper.  
Meanwhile Snape sat on his armchair in front of the fireplace. He was mad at Potter’s relatives but at the same time he was mad with himself, because at Potter’s words brought some of his own childhood memories to the surface.

11-year old Severus sat in a rundown looking, tiny room. He had pushed himself into a corner, the one farthest from the door, in hopes he wouldn’t be noticed, in case it would be opened. The hope that his father wasn’t drunk didn’t exist anymore. The swollen welts on his back from the last punishment still hurt with every move. They most likely were infected.

He heard the heavy footsteps of his father and curled up even more. The door opened with a quiet creak and Tobias Snape stepped into the room. There was a letter in his left hand and the smell of Whiskey filled the room.

“Guess what this is”, he slurred, fawning with the letter.

“I don’t know”, he answered barely audible. His father opened the letter and read the first sentence.

“Dear Mr. Snape, we are happy to inform you that you have been accepted at Hogwarts School for witchcraft and wizardry.” His speech was so slurred that he couldn’t understand a word, but he didn’t need to. He knew what this was and he also knew how much his father hated magic. Suddenly he was grabbed by his arm and dragged into the living room. His father’s grip was painful. The letter was thrown into the fire, together with the shopping list and the golden ticket. After that came the punishment.  
A few days later his mother had taken him to Diagon Ally and they had bought his things. Since she’d gone to Hogwarts herself, she knew what he needed and she had been able to get a new ticket for the Hogwarts express. They had spent the last two days at the Leaky Cauldron.

On the platform he’d said goodbye to his mother. He had been crying a lot, because he knew what was to come when she got home, and even more so, because he didn’t know if he’d see her again. On the train he’d met Lily. She lived two streets away and her family were Muggles. They often had played together, until Tobias started to drink more. After that they barely saw each other. He always had a feeling that she knew what was happening with his family, but in that moment, he’d been happy to see her. She’d comforted him without asking a single question.

Shortly before Christmas during his last year at Hogwarts he’d received a letter, saying that his mother was dead. The reason was an accident, but Severus knew better.  
Snapes hands trembled as he looked at the bottle of Scotch in front of him. Shrugging he poured a glass and drank it.


	8. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Have a very happy new year, everybody!
> 
> Blood scatters everywhere, when Family runs together...When I thought I needed "Blood" to survive, I realized that what I really needed was "Family"  
> -Gaye Miller

Snape spent the next few hours in his office, mainly because of two reasons: For once he didn’t know how to act towards Potter, especially if the boy asked for the reasons of his reaction and secondly, he was emotionally not very stable, not at the moment at least, and he didn’t want to risk yelling at him lest it make Potter feel even more insecure than he already was. Instead he marked the fourth grade essays while he silently cursed their lack of intelligence.

In the meantime, Harry had gone back to the library and decided to not disturb Snape, whatever he might be doing and wherever he might be. Further he decided not to rack his brain over his professor’s reaction; there would be enough time for that later. Besides he wouldn’t find a suitable answer anyway, after all it was Snape he was talking about. Instead he choose to look through the bookshelves, maybe he would find something interesting.

To his own surprise he found some books he already knew: The tales of Beedle the Bard, Quidditch through the ages, most potent potions, the phases of the moon’s effect on magical plants and some more. In the end he decided on the tales of Beedle, for he only knew them from the bits Ron had told him, and additionally took ‘Hogwarts a History’, because, against Hermione’s insistence, he had never read it.

Carrying them outside, he sat down on a bench on the white marble balcony. After he spent some time reading the tales, he started reading the book about Hogwarts, where he learned a few interesting things about the castle and its founders. According to the book, every one of the founders had left a secret chamber within the castle, not only Salazar Slytherin. Obviously the book updated itself, because it was said that the only chamber yet to be found was Slytherin’s and that the monster inside was dead. Harry grinned. With his luck he would accidently find the three remaining chambers too. He also found out that there were only a few headmasters who were Slytherins and that there should be a hidden observatory, which hasn’t been found yet.

Suddenly his attention was caught by a movement in the yard. A black figure, moved through the park towards a pavilion. Something golden was shining on his hand. Why would Snape need a snitch? In the next moment he wanted to hit himself. Snape definitely wouldn’t walk around with a snitch! In the end he came to the conclusion that it had to be a ring, even though he had never seen the man wear a ring before.

To be fair, he hadn’t paid much attention to Snape’s hands before. Was he married? Harry couldn’t imagine Snape to be married; not because he didn’t like the man, but because his wife would live with him, which she obviously didn’t. Well, except if the room he was sleeping in was hers, but Bipo had said that it was the room of Snape’s sister. Other than the room there was no sign that there was a woman living in the manor, too. Maybe she had died, which seemed to make more sense.

Thinking about this possibility, the boy felt a deep sympathy for the man, who had sat down on a bench and seemed to be in thought. Every now and then he wrote down something in a small book. Harry studied him some more and had to admit that Snape seemed more at ease, more relaxed and younger than during the schoolyear.

Meanwhile Snape occupied himself with a new potions project. He had decided to go outside a bit while doing so, which sadly confounded his reputation as a vampire. Indeed, he liked the white pavilion very much; had done so since his childhood. He had spent a lot of time here. While he thought about the possible improvements of Polyjuice-potion and took some notes, he noticed that someone or something was watching him. He looked up and saw that Potter sat on the balcony, but seemed to go back to reading. Snape sighed. In the next days they would have to start to talk about what happened to the boy. And he wasn’t sure that he even wanted to know what he had gone through.

After Harry had gone through the two books, he decided to read a huge volume with the title “Spells, curses and adequate defence in a duel with a stronger wizard”. Quickly he found some interesting spells.

“Bipo?” he asked tentatively. The little elf appeared immediately.

“What can Bipo do for Master Harry Potter, Sir?”

“May I borrow some parchment, ink and a quill? I don’t have any.” Nodding the elf disappeared and reappeared with the desired things a moment later.

“Thank you very much, Bipo!” he smiled. Bipos looked at him delighted and wiggled his ears.

“Except for Master Severus no one ever thanks Bipo. Master Harry Potter is a good wizard, Master Harry Potter, Sir, has a big heart!” the elf said earnestly and hugged his leg before he disappeared. Still a bit red from blushing he shook his head. If it was to continue that way, he’d soon have an army of house elves, who told everyone how admirable Master Harry Potter, Sir, was. He snorted and turned back to his book again.

He’d never experienced how Master SEVERUS had said thank you to anyone or anything. Not in his lessons, nor elsewhere. Suddenly he had to grin. It was impossible to be thankful for those lessons, at least the ones with Gryffindor and Slytherin. Nearly every lesson a cauldron exploded due to the pranks. And to be honest one only met the man outside lessons when he had to resolve arguments between students. It was very unlikely that he’d say ‘Thank you’ for that.

While he looked through the book and wrote down a spell every now and then, he finally thought about the man’s reaction at lunch. Snape had been angry, very angry indeed. As far as Harry could judge, the anger wasn’t pointed at him. Maybe he had been angry at the Dursleys, even though this was very unlikely. After all Snape hated and had always taken his pleasure in embarrassing him. He already felt bad thinking such a thing. Who had saved him from the Dursleys in the end? Snape!

Furthermore, he had healed his wounds and had stood against Voldemort for him. He even had apologized to him because of some trivial temper tantrum, which Harry was used to when it came to Snape. This behaviour didn’t fit with the one in Hogwarts, but he was thankful for his help anyways. He sighted. Even if the man had been angry at the Dursleys, why did he leave so abruptly? Or better; fled the room and avoided him afterwards.  
Severus Snape was a riddle unto himself and Harry doubted that he would ever solve it.

A short time later Harry had written down a huge list of spells. He put the book back where it belonged and rolled up the parchment. As he went back to his room, he noticed the books on the desk. They seemed to be schoolbooks and Harry asked himself how Snape had gotten them this fast. At the same time he was grateful that he had even bothered to do so. Only then did he notice that they were used, but in a remarkably good condition.

Harry didn’t mind though, most of the things he had possessed weren’t second –hand, more like fished out of the bin. He opened one of the books and looked at the name that was standing there: Severus Snape. Harry was surprised that Snape still had his old schoolbooks, and he was even more surprised that Hogwarts still used the same books than back then. Well, except Quirrel and Lockhart. As he flipped through the pages of the transfiguration book he noticed some notes, which weren’t entirely about the spells, but a certain Professor, whose animagus form was a cat. He grinned, he’d definitely read all the notes before he had to give the books back. Putting the book back on the table, he placed the parchment beside it. Suddenly Bipo appeared with a plopp.

“Master Harry Potter, Sir, Master Severus sends Bipo to tell you that dinner will be served in a few minutes.” Did he spend so much time in the library? He felt a bit like Hermione, but pushed that thought aside, since it made him miss her and Ron even more.

“Thank you Bipo, I’m coming.” The elf nodded and left. Harry silently made his way towards the kitchen but stopped at the doorframe. Snape didn’t look up, but seemed to have noticed him.

“Come in, Potter.” He did as he was told and sat on the same chair as he had during lunch.

“I’m sorry, sir, I didn’t pay attention to the time”, he began, but Snape stopped him with a gesture.

“It’s not your fault, Potter. There are no clocks in this manor and I forgot to tell you that you can use magic around here. The ministry won’t recognize your signature.”

“Really”, he asked excited. That would mean that he actually could practise some during the holidays. Snape only nodded and sat down opposite him. Dinner, this time tomato soup, appeared on the table. Harry waited until Snape had took some, only then he helped himself to a small serving. Meanwhile Snape fished a vial from some pocket in his cloak and handed it to the boy.

“It’s a nutrient potion, Potter. Your weight’s currently at the very bottom of the scale for your age, actually it’s below. This potion contains the necessary nutrients to let your body gain some weight until you’re eating normally again.” Like the other days, Snape wasn’t exactly friendly, but he wasn’t mean either. Harry would describe his behaviour as neutral or professional- and to keep it that way he took the potion and gulped it down without any protest.

“Thank you, professor.” Snape only nodded again and continued to eat his soup. Harry started to eat too, slowly, he still was a bit suspicious, but until now Snape hadn’t taken away his food, and as long as it stayed that way, Harry would use the situation to eat as much as he could.

Both men ate in silence, stealing glances at each other that weren’t noticed. Harry thought how he should approach Snape to ask him something, while Snape thought about how he should tell the boy that they had to start talking about what had happened. In the end, the Gryffindor bravery did win.

“Sir?” the black haired boy began and continued after an inviting gesture.

“Uhm, I wanted to ask if I may enter the park around the manor.” The man looked at him, surprised, and nodded.

“Of course you may access the park. I apologize if I said something this morning, which lead you to another assumption.” Now it was Harrys turn to look surprised. Snape had apologized, again?

“No sir, you didn’t. I just thought, I’d ask before…”

“Before what?”

“Nothing. It’s just a stupid rule of the Dursleys.” Snape sighted barely audible.

“What were your rules at your relatives, Potter?” The boy remained silent. He knew that he owed Snape the answer. After all he had saved him from his personal hell, had given him a room and food and treated him allright. All this didn’t make it easier to talk about it, though.  
He thought back to his childhood, his aunt, his uncle and cousin. They had punished him until he knew the rules by heart.

Snape studied the boy. On his face, his inner struggle was clearly visible. Eventually his face became blank and emotionless and he began to speak:  
“Freaks do not deserve food; they can endure days without it. Freaks aren’t allowed to own new things, even hand me downs are too good for them. Freaks don’t have bodily needs, they are unnatural and unhuman. If freaks are ill, they stay in their room, so they do not infect others; they do not need medicine. Freaks do not need any space, the cupboard under the stairs is big enough; they have to be thankful that they were taken in at all. Freaks exist, so they can do the chores around the house and garden; they are not to be seen or heard while doing them. Every punishment is deserved. Freaks do not deserve love or comfort and if they get them, it is not real.” His voice was monotone and mechanical. Snape could feel how his magic flared through his anger at every new rule and the things in the kitchen started to rattle and sporadically something made out of glass exploded.

What the Dursleys had done to Potter was unhuman, barbaric!  
The boy’s eyes widened in shock, as he realized, what he had revealed. There was fear in his eyes, which brought Snapes magic immediately back under control. He knew this fear. Potter wasn’t afraid of him, but that he realized that he was a ‘freak’ and would abandon him.

“Potter”, he tried, but didn’t get any reaction at all. In this moment he decided to throw his pride and prejudices over board, he stood up and moved towards Potter. He kneeled down in front of him and with one hand took the boy’s hands in his, with the other he gently forced the boy to look at him.

“Harry… I know that this is not easy to understand, but your relatives are not right. You are NOT a freak; you deserve all those things and more! You are not a freak, do you hear me?” his voice was quiet, but firm. The boy looked up and met his eyes.

“But…” he began but was interrupted.

“Harry, you are not a freak. Did I ever lie to you or spare you my opinion? I know that it will take time until you can accept all that. Until then you will have to believe me.” Potter, no, Harry nodded silently. For a few moments there was only silence, until a low, trembling voice was heard:

“I… I a-am not a f-freak.” Snape nodded and squeezed the boy’s hands, on which tears dropped only a few seconds later.  
They stayed like that for quite a while, because the truth was, no matter whether Snape wanted to acknowledge it or not and no matter how he looked at it, Harry and he himself were similar, very similar, and neither their lives nor their happiness had ever belonged to themselves.


	9. chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> “Part of what I do and what I want to do is I want to bring art into the everyday life. If you can take ordinary just walking in the street and you're confronted by something that might change your day - it might inspire you.”  
> Kenny Scharf

The next morning Harry was roused by Bipo.

“Master Harry Potter, Sir, you have to wake up!” As Harry finally opened his eyes, the little elf smiled.

“Breakfast is ready in half an hour, Master Harry Potter.” Harry thanked the elf, and slowly stood up to get dressed in the unknown clothes on the chair; he brushed his teeth and went downstairs towards the kitchen. Snape was already seated at the table, on which stood a bowl of steaming porridge and toast, and was reading the Daily Prophet. Harry hesitated slightly before he stepped into the room.

“Good morning, Professor” he murmured quietly and sat down opposite Snape, who just nodded at him.  Hesitantly he reached for the bowl of porridge and a slice of toast, which lead to a slight twitching of the corner of his mouth. Harry quickly turned away and noticed that he was getting red.

He was embarrassed as hell about the thing that happened yesterday evening, still he had thought about Snape’s words and he did came to the conclusion that maybe he was right. After all he had never lied to him before, so why should he start now?

While he silently ate his breakfast and thought about it, Snape continued to read his newspaper and drink his coffee. Harry was wondering if he thought about what had happened or if he was just absorbed in his newspaper. Noticing that the man didn’t eat breakfast he wondered if he had already eaten. Slightly shaking his head he saw that Snape had nearly reached the end of the newspaper and made a decision. If he didn’t thank the man for what happened now, he wouldn’t ever again. As he pushed away the bowl in front of him Snape looked up and Harry tried to hold his gaze.

“Um, Professor?” he asked hesitantly. The man arched one eyebrow questioningly and the boy tried to find the words to convey his gratefulness, but he didn’t.

“Thank you!” in the end that was the words that left his mouth, but those two words conveyed all the emotions and thankfulness he felt. Snape’s features grew a bit softer and the corners of his mouth twitched suspiciously.

“It was nothing, Harry” The black haired boy noticed the use of his first name and after a moment of surprise a splitting smile appeared on his face. Not that Snape would ever say it, but this reaction was worth swallowing his pride.

Still smiling Harry put his bowl in the sink. Snape had used his first name! Of course he had done so yesterday evening, but that was due to the situation. He didn’t expect that the older man would continue to call him Harry. To be honest he wasn’t all that sure why he was so happy about it, he didn’t even like Snape. In the next moment he noticed his mistake; he didn’t like the Snape at Hogwarts, but the Snape he got to know during the last days he did like, in a way.

“I have to brew a few potions for Madame Pomfrey, if you should need anything or something happens I’m in the lab”, those words brought him out of his thoughts. He turned towards Snape and nodded to show that he had understood. Snape too nodded at him and disappeared the next moment. Harry decided to go back to the library to look for more spells and courses.

Now that Voldemort was back and everyone knew about it he had to prepare himself. He owed it to his parents. His friends, Cedric, Sirius and the wizarding world in general. If he would have put an effort in learning Occlumency, he could have saved Sirius. If he would have learned it, it wouldn’t even have come this far. It was his own fault. Even though he had to admit that Snape didn’t make it easy for him. He too remembered the memories he had seen in the pensive. His father hadn’t been better than Dudley and his gang and in pained him to know that Sirius had just as much fun. Whether he wanted to admit it or not, he could understand that Snape didn’t like him. He did look like James after all. Maybe Snape had known his mother too? It seemed like they all had been in the same year. Maybe one day he would be able to ask Snape.

Pushing all thoughts away he looked for more books he could use. After some time he had found two and walked towards the desk he had worked yesterday, he had left the parchment, ink and quill there, and started working on the books. Totally absorbed in his work he didn’t notice as a few hours later Snape entered the library. He slowly moved towards the boy and came to stand behind him.

“I didn’t know you were interested in books”, he smirked as Harry flinched and turned around.

“I didn’t hear you, Professor!” Snape now stood beside him and had looked at the parchment.

“That much was obvious. After all I am a spy, besides it wouldn’t be half as much fun to look for students after curfew if they could hear me.” Harry could vividly imagine how Snape walked through the corridors, smiling and rubbing his hands in anticipation. With that picture in mind he couldn’t hold back his laughter and even Snape looked slightly amused.

“Originally I came to tell you that lunch is ready.” Harry looked up, surprised.

“It’s already that late?” The man arched his eyebrow.

“Obviously.” Still smiling Harry put back the books and reached for the parchment to bring it to the room he stayed in. He told Snape what he was about to do, who nodded and went to go to the kitchen. Harry followed a few moments later. It smelled delicious and he had the suspicion that lunch was another soup. He walked into the kitchen and sat on his usual place opposite Snape. On the table stood a bowl of chicken broth and a vial with some yellowish liquid, which he recognised as the nutrient potion he had to take. Obediently he emptied the vial while Snape served himself a bit of broth. The potion definitely tasted vile! In hopes that the tasted vanished quickly he took some broth himself and a slice of bread. Both men ate silently. The silence wasn’t uncomfortable, still Harry broke it due to his curiosity.

“Professor?” Said person looked up. “Does every wizarding family have a Manor?” Snape seemed to be surprised about the question but answered nonetheless.

“Most of the older wizarding families have if their ancestors reach back at least a few hundred years. It always belongs to the head of the family and most families have got more than one. However, today the tradition is barely continued.” As surprised as Snape had been about the question, Harry was surprised that his question was answered without any amused or taunting comment.

“Do the Weasley’s have one?” The man opposite him seemed to think about it before he answered.

“The Weasley’s are one of the oldest wizarding families. The Manor should belong to Mr. Weasley’s cousin”, he then seemed to look Harry over. “Is there a reason for the question?” Harry just shrugged.

“I don’t know much about the wizarding world, especially things like that or etiquettes”, after a moment’s hesitation he continued. “I always thought it wouldn’t be much different than the Muggle ones, which was obviously wrong.”

“If you want me to I can teach you some of the basic etiquettes”, offered Snape, which Harry accepted gratefully. The Professor nodded and put his bowl in the sink.

“Do you know how you want to spend your afternoon?”

“I thought I would take a look around the park”, he muttered while he too put his bowl in the sink.

“A bit of sun and fresh air would do you some good”, he agreed and Harry nodded in agreement. As he made his way towards the living room he was stopped by Snape’s voice:

“And Harry? Try to stay on the path. Next to the park starts the forest, which is full of magical creatures. The shields around the Manor hold them back, but if you cross them you won’t have any protection. “Harry turned around again and grinned at him:

“Don’t worry, Professor, I won’t cause any trouble. As if I’d ever do that!” As Harry made his way through the kitchen towards the living room Snape couldn’t supress a small smile. Harry heard his voice muttering something about trolls, basilisks and students, who didn’t pay attention to rules. Harry grinned. Who would have thought that Snape actually had a sense of humour?

The living groom was a semi-circle just as the library was and the walls mostly consisted of huge windows. On the left side was a fireplace, which was framed by bookcases. In front of it stood a dark brown leather couch, which looked really comfortable. On the right side were more bookcases and a desk. On the left side of the book cases, in front of the windows stood a grand piano, which made Harry wonder if Snape could play or if it was just something a former Snape had used. As he made his way outside he gazed over the huge park. He thought he could see the pavilion he had seen from the balcony and decided to walk towards it. On his way he encountered different kinds of flowerbeds, which all seemed to be in perfect shape. Did Snape care for them or Bipo or maybe both? They seemed to be a mix out of magical and non-magical plants. He followed the path and after a few minutes he had reached the pavilion. He looked at it and had to hold his breath.

On the outside and on the inside of the pavilion grew red roses and it was surrounded by a bed of lilies. What caught his eye immediately were the sings of use. Two of the pillars were decorated with drawings definitely made by children. Laughing Harry imagined that quite a few were Snape’s. His eyes wandered towards the ceiling, which made him gasp. The ceiling was covered by a beautiful painting. It was framed by roses while a sky drew circles towards the middle of the ceiling, where the sun was placed. It was unbelievingly realistic and the clouds, birds and petals seemed to move in a slight breeze. Harry sat down on the bank and leaned back, closing his eyes for a moment.

All in all he was glad that he had ended up with Snape. Thinking about the possibility that the Weasleys had found out everything made him uncomfortable. It wasn’t that he was ungrateful; he just couldn’t imagine that Mrs. Weasley or the others would understand that he needed some room and time for himself. Further they wouldn’t have been able to help him with Voldemort’s intrusion. He loved the Weasleys, they were like a family to him, but sometimes they were a bit much to take. His thoughts wandered to the night Snape had helped him. As he finally registered that Snape knew everything, every last bit he had tried to hide, his stomach protested and he willed the thoughts away.  He didn’t want to think about it, but his thoughts came to rest on yesterday evening.

It was embarrassing but also good to know how Snape would react to such situations. Instead of yelling or ignoring him, he had tried to sooth him, had taken it seriously and even tried to convince him that the Dursleys had been wrong. Most of all he was surprised by the use of his given name, but he had been happy about it in a strange way. Maybe that meant that he and Snape could start anew? After all he acted differently than the Snape in Hogwarts and maybe he would continue to act this way. It was highly unlikely, but Harry still did hope that they wouldn’t go back to how things had been. Snape seemed to be a good man. Of course he had a difficult character and a dangerous temper, but in private he didn’t seem so threatening, more than anything he mostly was relaxed. He didn’t talk much, but he wasn’t reclusive. Potions seemed to take up a great deal of his time and if the number of books in the manor was any indication, books did too. Bipo seemed to be content with him and was treated in a good way. He wasn’t too sure if his professor ate on a regular basis though, after all he didn’t eat much during mealtimes. Maybe he did eat snacks while working? Harry wasn’t too sure about that either, but maybe he would get to know the reason during his stay at the Manor. Still, there was one thing he knew, he did not know why though, he was concerned about the man. Was he ill? Or was it the consequence of an illness?

After a bit of worrying, Harry continued his walk through the park. Checking the time he had noticed that it was nearing 8pm and that dinner would be served soon. Back at the manor he washed his hands and made his way to the kitchen. Snape was already there and nodded at him while Harry sat down. Clearing his throat he asked:

“I think we can try some more solid food if you feel up to it?” Harry nodded excitedly and the food appeared on the table: Mashed potatoes and cooked vegetables with butter.

After Snape had served himself he did the same and started eating slowly, savouring the taste and being glad to finally have some solid food. He did admit, however, that he wouldn’t have been able to stomach it the last days. As Snape spoke again he looked up, surprised.

“Did you spend the whole afternoon outside?” There was no reproach in his voice, just a slight hint of curiosity.

“Yes, Sir. I didn’t think that the park was that huge!”

“I hope you didn’t have trouble finding your way?” Harry shook his head.

“I didn’t. I just followed the path towards the pavilion and took the same path back.”

“Which of the pavilions did you chose?” He stared at Snape with huge eyes.

“There’s more than one?”

“Obviously”, was the dry answer, which made him smile.

“I chose the white one, the one you can see from the balcony”, he answered the question. “The painting on the ceiling is really beautiful, it looks like it’s real!” The man opposite him smirked slightly and nodded in agreement.

“My mother thought a white pavilion was to boring and decided to paint it many years ago.” Wondrous green eyes met black ones.

“Your mother really is talented!” Breaking the connection Snape finished his dinner before answering:

“Was. She died many years ago.”

“Oh, I’m sorry! I didn’t want to-“, but Snape gently cut him off.

“It’s been many years ago, Harry. There’s no need to apologize.” The boy hesitated and collected all his Gryffindor bravery to ask about Snape’s ominous sister. It would fit the subject and he had been relaxed about the death of his mother, so it was likely that he would react the same way about his sister.

“Sir?” Snape motioned for him to continue, what he did after a moment’s hesitation. “Do you have a sister?”

Harry realised his mistake instantly. Snape tensed up immediately and as he looked at him he had to swallow. His face was passive, neutral, but in his eyes lay coolness.  What was even more alarming was the pain deep in his eyes. Calmly, which Harry found even more scary than yelling, Snape said a single word:

“Out!” He felt the magic that emanated from him and quickly left the kitchen, walking to his room.

Apparently Snape’s sister was a sensible subject, which he wouldn’t bring up again if he could help it. Lying on the bed he starred out of the window besides the bed and watched the sun go down. Would Snape hate him again in the morning? Would he make his life a living hell again? Or would he just ignore him? Harry sighted and closed his eyes. No matter what Snape did, it couldn’t be worse than the Dursleys. Still he had hoped that the relationship between them would get better. He wanted Snape to like him, god knows why. He just knew that it was important to him.

 

Snape still sat in the kitchen, elbows on the table and head in hands. Why did the boy have to ask about Amalia? He took a deep breath and ran a hand through his hair. He didn’t want to think about Amalia and what happened again. He had to distract himself. To think about it simply hurt too much. A few potions and he should have a grip on himself and his emotions again. No sooner said than done. About five hours and three potions later he stepped out of his lab, and made his way upstairs to his room. Before he went to bed, he soundlessly opened the door to Harry’s room. Not because he was concerned, but because it was a natural thing to do, wasn’t it? The room was dark and he could make out the figure on the bed. He just turned around to leave the room as he heard a whimper. He stepped beside the bed and murmured a soft limos. The boy lay perfectly still, but his face was dripping with sweat. Again he whimpered silently.

Snape conjured a wet flannel and gently dapped his forehead, but the boy flinched away

“No, please”, he muttered frightened. “Please, Uncle Vernon, I didn’t’ do anything!” Sighing slightly he sat down beside the small figure and softly shook his shoulder.

“Harry, wake up.” As he didn’t received a reaction he tried again, this time a bit harder. Harry woke up and flinched back instantly.

“Uncle Vernon, please…” he bagged and curled into a ball.

“Harry, you’re safe”, Snape whispered soothingly and took his hands in his own.

“Harry, look at me!” Slowly green eyes opened and blinked at him.

“Professor Snape?”

“That’s right. Harry.” Harry let out a breath of relief and slowly sat up. Without thinking about it, Snape had pulled him into his chest and wrapped his arms around him. The thin body trembled and he felt tears straining his robes. He softly cradled Harry’s head against his shoulder and caressed his hair while muttering soothing words.

It wasn’t because he had felt a deep pain where his heart should be as he had seen the boy this scared and vulnerable. It was because he didn’t have this kind of comfort and therefore was the living evidence what happened with those people. The inkling that it maybe was more than that, he simply ignored.

 


	10. chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> “The world is indeed full of peril, and in it there are many dark places; but still there is much that is fair, and though in all lands love is now mingled with grief, it grows perhaps the greater.”  
> ― J.R.R. Tolkien, The Fellowship of the Ring

Harry was woken by something hairy in his face. He opened his eyes and stared in icy-blue ones. Confused he sat up and the blue-eyed thing slid from his chest into his lab. As he finally realized that it was a cat, he laughed. Tentatively he reached out to pet its head, which was immediately accepted. He looked at the collar and noticed that it was actually a tomcat named Shadow.

A very tiny tomcat too. He looked like he was only a few weeks old, but the elegance with which it moved made clear that it was grown-up. Did he live in the Manor? Harry had never seen it before. Maybe the cute fluffy thing even belonged to Snape?

At the thought of Snape he grew serious again. After the experience yesterday Snape most likely would be cold and dismissive. He had expected Snape to turn into his bitter self again, but he had woken him from his nightmare. He really hoped Snape would be like he had been the last days, but his gut told him that this was wishful thinking. A wet nose against his cheek brought him back into the here and now and he observed how Shadow padded all over the bed and sniffed at everything.

Then he came back and curled up in his lab. Sighting he patted the tomcat before he softly pushed him away, so he could get up. He changed quickly, not wanting to risk appearing late for breakfast. He brushed his teeth and decided that he could shower later if the need arose. Caressing the cat one last time he left the room and slowly made his way towards the kitchen. As he reached the end of the stairs, he hesitated for a moment.

Taking a deep breath he pushed his nervousness aside and tried to summon his Gryffindor courage. Unsuccessfully. Still he moved towards the kitchen and noticed that Snape was indeed awake and already reading the Daily Prophet. After another moment of hesitation he stepped into the room.

“Good morning, Professor.” A barely noticeable nod was his only answer.

Staring at his feet he sat down opposite of Snape and waited until the food would appear only moments later. The atmosphere was tense and cold and Harry just wanted to leave the room again, as fast as possible. As always Harry waited until Snape had taken his food before he filled his own plate. Snape didn’t seem to eat much again this morning, but Harry’s appetite was curbed by all the tension. The silence was oppressive and after only a few moments, which felt like the half of eternity, Snape put his dishes into the sink and left the kitchen without another word.

Harry sighed from relief and disappointment. Picking at his food a few minutes longer, he too put his dishes away and made his way to the library. Hopefully Snape wouldn’t be there. He was relieved as this wasn’t the case. Quickly he moved towards the section of books containing spells, curses and all kinds of defensive tactics to see if he could find some more for his list.

 

In the meantime Snape spent a few hours in his laboratory to distract himself and he even forgot to eat his lunch. He didn’t want to deal with the boy. It wasn’t that he was angry. Snape just didn’t know how to handle the situation. He hated showing emotions in front of other people and furthermore he didn’t know how and how much to tell him. Sighing he filled the vials with the remaining potions and put them away.

Harry would most likely think that he had turned back into the ‘old’ Snape. This was exactly the reason why he avoided the child in the first place. In situations where he didn’t know how to act, he had the tendency to hurt other people with his sharp tongue. It was a defence mechanism. Storing the last few vials in the shelf, he went into the adjoining room, his study.

Weasley and Granger would be here in about half an hour. To be honest, he’d nearly forgotten that he’d ordered them to be here today. Not that he’d ever admit it. He thought about how much he should tell them and if it would be in Harry’s interest after all. On the other hand if he would act in Harry’s interest, the boy would still live with his relatives and no one would know about his situation.

With a look at the clock he asked Bipo to bring tea and three cups. Shortly after the required things appeared, his fireplace flared green and two teenagers stumbled out.

“Honestly Ronald, I told you it wouldn’t work this way!” said a slightly annoyed Hermione Granger. Before the boy could answer, Snape cleared his throat. Instantly both fell silent and turned around.

“Good afternoon, Professor”, he was greeted by Granger, while Weasley mumbled some kind of greeting. Snape gestured at the two armchairs opposite of him and told them to sit down.

“Excuse me, Professor, but is Harry alright?” the girl asked concerned and Weasley gifted her with a look that clearly said “With Snape?”

“Tea?” he asked calmly. Granger nodded and Weasley just crossed his arms in front of his chest. After he had served everyone, he leaned back and took a sip before he answered her question.

“Mr. Potter is doing better, as good as can be expected under the circumstances. His injuries are healed and he is too not confined to bed any longer.” Granger nodded, seemingly relieved.

“What happened? Why was he hurt?”

“This Mr. Weasley is not my place to tell, but Mr. Potter’s.” The boy threw an angry glare at him and mumbled something about wasting his time. For the moment Snape just chose to ignore him.

“You are here, because I have a few questions to ask you, Miss Granger, Mr. Weasley.”

“Why should we answer any questions about Harry, when you didn’t tell us what happened, Snape?” Said person took a deep breath, but before he could answer, Miss Granger had already spoken up:

"Ronald! We can be lucky that Professor Snape informed and invited us in the first place. He didn’t have to, so behave yourself! If not he can send you home any time and would be right in doing so, it’s his home after all.” Ronald looked at her with wide eyes and Snape took another sip of tea, to hide that he was indeed quite amused by the situation. He put down his cup on the table and leaned forwards, putting his elbow on his knees.

“Mr. Weasley, I invited you, because I believe that you know Mr. Potter better than I do and that you would be able to answer a few questions, which would help to clarify the situation. If this is a waste of time for you, you are welcome to leave my manor immediately.”

“ ’m sorry, Professor.” Snape just nodded and leaned back again.

“Well then, can you tell me something about Mr. Potter’s relatives? How was their relationship, if he liked living with them, anything at all?” Weasley looked at him warily, while Granger seemed to think about his question.

“I don’t think he liked living with them”, she said quietly. “He never really complained about them, but after the summer holidays he’s always been thinner and well, he spent all his holidays at Hogwarts.” Snape nodded. Those two things he had noticed too, he’d just always believed there were an effect of Harry’s spoiled upbringing.

“Ron, wasn’t there something with Dumbledore? And the first Christmas at Hogwarts?”

“Why should I tell Snape about that? He never cared for Harry before and suddenly he’s oh so worried. Something about that isn’t right. Harry would never spend his holidays with Snape voluntarily…” This time he was faster than the young witch.

“Mr. Weasley, as I’ve already said you are welcome to leave my home if you deem me untrustworthy and think of this as a waste of time. Otherwise you are welcome to stay and will be able to talk with Mr. Potter after we’ve finished this little talk. As it happens, it was me who found him and, together with Madam Pomfrey’s help, healed him,” his voice was low and cold. “Indeed, Mr. Potter didn’t come here voluntarily. This manor is the safest house any member of the Order has. You don’t have to tell me anything, I won’t force you, but if you care just the tiniest bit about Mr. Potter’s welfare, I recommend you to tell me the truth.” Weasley sighed, glanced at Miss Granger, who angrily stared at him and unbelievingly shook his head.

“If need be… In our first year I only stayed at Hogwarts during the winter holidays because Harry didn’t want to go home. He didn’t tell me why, though. I had woken him that morning and he was so astonished that he’d gotten any presents. I mean, it seemed like he’d never seen a present in his whole life. His relatives sent something too; I think it was a 50-pence- piece. Shortly before the end of the term he went to speak with Professor Dumbledore and asked if he could stay at Hogwarts during the summer. The headmaster said that it wouldn’t be possible, though,” Weasley stopped and seemed to think if he should say some more. He swallowed and looked Snape into the eyes. “We were really worried during the holidays. Harry wrote me a letter that his cousin had started a diet and the whole family had to participate. Well, he had asked me to send something edible and I showed the letter to mum, so we sent a few pastries and small cakes. He seemed off. I mean, he never wrote something bad about them, but Fred and George noticed too. We took Dad’s car and got him out of there. He was locked into his room and a cat flap was installed. He even had bars in front of his windows.” The black haired man swallowed a comment regarding the car and nodded.

“Thank you, Mr. Weasley.” The boy just shrugged and uncertainly looked at Granger, who smiled slightly.

“Professor, did you know that Professor Umbridge used blood quills on her students?” she suddenly asked. Umbridge did what!? For a moment he was too shocked to say anything. Why had no one known about this? Or did some of his colleagues know? Did the headmaster know? Why did no one of the student say anything? Slowly he turned towards her and shook his head.

“Miss Granger, I can assure you that neither I nor my colleagues did know about this.” He didn’t think any of his colleagues would have permitted this kind of punishment. It was well known that blood quills were banned, for good reasons as well.

“The scar on Harry’s hand: I must not tell lies. He had detention with her nearly every day and she’d always use the quill on him. We only noticed after several weeks, because he had something wrapped around his hand. We always told him that he should tell Professor Dumbledore or Professor McGonagall, but he always said that they wouldn’t care and that we couldn’t depend on them.” Snape took a sip of his tea and thanked her as well.

“I will notify the headmaster about this rather unfortunate turn of events, he will initiate a process against her. Were there other students she used the quill on?”

“Nearly everyone. Every member of the DA and after Professor Dumbledore had to leave she didn’t have to worry anymore. I think Harry is the only one who sustained a scar.”

“Would you be able to supply me with a list of names?” Miss Granger nodded and graced him with a small smile.

“If you want to you can stay here for a while and talk with Mr. Potter. I would like to ask you to not mention our little talk. Mr. Potter’s current state doesn’t allow too much excitement.” After both teenagers had agreed he asked for Bipo and let him lead the two children to wherever Potter was right now. As soon as the door had closed behind them, he leaned back and closed his eyes. This whole situation was a mess and no matter what he tried, there was always something new to be added to the list.

 

Harry sat in the library and was looking through the window. With time it had grown boring and even the most interesting books couldn’t catch his attention anymore. He didn’t react to the door opening because he thought it would be Snape and he better just ignore him. Only as someone called his name, he looked up. Ron and Hermione stood opposite him.

The next moment they were all hugging each other. Tears streamed down Hermione’s face and even Ron’s eyes looked unusually moist.

“How are you, Harry?” his best friend asked immediately.

“Good, better now you’re here. I did miss you!”

“We’ve missed you too, Harry!” his friends answered at the same time and started laughing. Harry led them to a group of chairs. After they’ve all sat down Harry asked the question:

“What are you doing here? I didn’t know that you would be here today!” Ron threw an uncertain look at Hermione, which Harry luckily didn’t see. She gently kicked his leg before she answered.

“It should be a surprise. Professor Snape invited us a few days prior, he thought you would benefit from some distraction. He said you were feeling a bit better now, so we were allowed to come over today.” Harry stared at his friends, unbelievingly.

“Snape invited you?” Both nodded and looked at him questioningly.

“Did he forbid you to invite someone? Does he treat you alright?”, Ron asked worriedly.

“I didn’t ask. I didn’t think he would like three unruly Gryffindors in his house”, he grinned somewhat sheepishly.

“Don’t worry, guys, Snape treats me alright. I have my own room, get three meals a day, I am allowed to move around the house and well, he helped me. He seems to be quite alright, actually.” Hermione looked up and crocked her head.

“What do you mean, helped you?” Harry sighed and looked uncomfortable

“Well, I was in a bit of a situation and got hurt. Snape found me, brought me here and healed me.”

“Are you sure that Snape has no ulterior motive? He is a death eater, Harry, you can’t forget this!” Harry didn’t exactly know why he grew angry at Ron’s words. Snape was a total prat today, but he was the only adult, who had really helped him, ever. The man had risked his life by helping him!

“Yes, I am sure, Ron. Snape did help me and he treats me just fine. We talk to each other civilly, I don’t have to do any chores; practically I can do what I want round here.”

“But it’s Snape!”

“That may be, but this man risked his life for me. What do you think would happen if Voldemort found out about all this?”

“Doesn’t make a difference if he’s the one who takes you to him…”

“Ronald Weasley, how dare you say such a thing! Professor Snape invited us here, in case you’ve already forgotten that bit of information. Why should he have helped Harry if he wanted to take him to Voldemort? You should be glad, that Harry is alright and safe! And you are going to apologize this instant!”, Hermione hissed at him and the red haired boy looked at the ground awkwardly.

“I am really sorry, Harry! I am just worried about you…” Harry shrugged and nodded.

“It’s alright.” Before Ron could answer, Hermione’s curiosity had won.

“Why were you hurt, Harry? What happened?”

“It was nothing…”, he tried to deflect the question

“Harry, mate. We are just worried about you.” Harry tiredly rubbed at his face and shied.

“Listen, I know you only mean well, but I don’t want to talk about it right now. I can’t, I need some time. I promise you that I will tell you eventually, just not right now”, he sounded tired and exhausted and Hermione just had to hug him.

“Oh Harry, don’t worry about us. If you want to tell us, we’ll be there. We’ll always be there for you. You are our friend, Harry, we just want you to be happy!” Bipo chose that moment to appear in the library

“Bipo is here to tell Master Harry Potter, Sir, and his guests that it’s time for Miss Granger and Mr. Weasley to leave. Miss Granger and Mr. Weasley are to follow Bipo, and Master Harry Potter, Sir, is to go to the kitchen.” Hermione scrutinized the little elf and Harry had to laugh at her .

“Don’t worry, he’s free and works here out of his own free will.” She hugged Harry again and promised him to write him a letter within the next few days. Ron promised the same before they both followed Bipo and Harry hastily put away his remaining things before he left for the kitchen.

It had been great to see his friends again! He had missed them immensely and already was eagerly anticipating their letters. Maybe Snape would agree to invite them over again some time. At least after they had put away their childish disagreement or whatever it was they had right now. Still, he was really grateful that the man had invited his friends. It meant a lot to him!

He stepped into the kitchen and was surprised that Snape wasn’t there yet. Shrugging he sat down and waited. Only a few moments later said man strode into the kitchen and took the place opposite him. With a silent plop the food appeared, but before Snape could take his food, Harry spoke up:

“Thank you very much, Professor.” Snape looked up and seemed to be confused, but then he nodded in understanding and Harry could have sworn that the corner of his mouth twitched slightly. Both men ate in silence. It was quite oppressing again and Harry felt really uncomfortable. Still, dinner passed quickly and as Snape stood up Harry decided to try one last time. He didn’t want the silent treatment anymore.

“Professor?”, Snape stopped and turned around.

“I am really sorry I asked you that question yesterday, I didn’t want to intrude or be impolite.” The man just looked at him emotionless for a few moments; he then shook his head and left the room. Harry sighed, put away his remaining food and made his way to his room.

As he opened the door Shadow jumped at him and Harry could only catch him because of his Quidditch reflexes.

“Hello there”, he murmured and put the tomcat onto the bed. He quickly changed and brushed his teeth. He didn’t have anything to do, so he would just go to bed early. Despite that he had been sitting the whole day he was pretty tired and exhausted. Slipping under the covers, Shadow jumped onto his lab and curled into a little ball of fur.

“At least one person in this house, that doesn’t ignore me!” The cat started to purr and without realising it, Harry slowly fell asleep.

As Snape knocked a few moments later and opened the door, because he didn’t get a response but wanted to make sure that the boy was alright, the child was fast asleep. He noticed the small black animal on Harry’s chest and couldn’t help but smile.


	11. chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A/N. I am terribly sorry for not updating sooner. I was kind of busy with school and exams. I hope that the next chapter will be uploaded way faster than this one was… Anyways, I hope you’re all good. Thanks a lot for all the favourites and follows you bestowed on this piece of work.   
> This chapter is not beta read as of yet. I’ll upload it again after she had a look at it. If you find any mayor mistakes please do not hesitate to bring them to my attention.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> “It always rains hardest on the people who deserve the sun” –unknown

Severus Snape woke even before the first rays of sunlight were to be seen and since his sleep had been rather restless and not at all restorative, he decided to get up.   
He didn’t like to admit it, but his guilty conscience towards the boy had kept him awake. Additionally he’d worried that Harry would have a nightmare like the other nights too, miraculously it didn’t happen and the potions master had the suspicion that the reason was a certain black cat.   
While he brushed his teeth and put on clean clothes he noticed the funny feeling in his stomach. He knew this feeling and he knew that it didn’t mean anything good. Sighing the man moved into his study and started to work on his lesson plans for the next school year while drinking his first coffee. 

The sun rose and Snape was still working on his lesson plans, diligent and content; meanwhile a certain teenager stood up and got ready for the day. Bipo informed the Professor about it, who put away the documents and made his way to the kitchen. Snape had only sat down for a few moments as the door opened and a sleepy looking, messy haired boy walked in.   
The child greeted him with a quiet „Good Morning, Professor“, and nodded at him.

„Good Morning, Harry. “ Surprised the boy looked up and gifted him with a wary smile. The corners of Snape‘s mouth twitched a bit too, while he put some food on his plate. As always Harry did the same and started devouring his breakfast.  
He had just started to read the Daily Prophet as he was jolted by a sharp pain in his left arm and gritted his teeth, while he pressed his hand over the Dark Mark. Harry looked up instantly and a look of worry washed over his features.   
Severus knew that he couldn’t dare to be late after the last meeting. Quickly he rushed to his rooms, threw on his death eater robes and grabbed his mask. Knowing that he had to talk with Harry before he left, he was back in the kitchen within seconds and stood in front of the child under his care.

“I will be gone for a few hours and I cannot be sure when I will be back. Please stay inside the manor, the wards will only allow entrance to the headmaster and Madame Pomfrey. You are safe if you stay inside and if you need something ask Bipo. If I should not be back against this time tomorrow please inform the headmaster.” The boy just stared at him and nodded slowly. 

„Please take care, Professor!“ A look into the brilliant, emerald-green eyes showed him that the child was sincere and indeed worried about him. In this moment the pain in his arm intensified and he nodded at the boy before he apparated. 

Harry stared at the spot where Snape had stood only a moment ago. Before he could understand what had happened, Bipo appeared besides him, pulling frantically at his ears. 

“Master Harry Potter, Sir, where is Master Severus?”

“He was summoned by You-Know-Who.” Just before Bipo could answer, everything around him grew dark and he found himself standing in a huge hall, death eaters kneeling at his feet and a huge snake coiled around his shoulders. Slowly he strolled through the lines of death eaters, who were cowering in fear, until he stopped in front of someone. 

“Severus, my loyal servant. I see that you’ve come back to me after our last meeting…”

“Always, My Lord!” the still kneeling figure answered. A white, long-fingered hand laid itself on the man’s head and thoughts played in front of his eyes. Images of his loyalty and how he slowly broke the-boy-who-lived. He straightened his back and let his gaze wander over the lines of his servants.

“Such loyalty, Severus. Many of you should take an example of him, am I right Goyle?” Quickly he strode away from Snape and halted in front of another man. 

“Master? I don’t know what you mean.“ A cold, humourless laugh echoed through the hall, making his followers shiver.

“Do not. Lie. To. Me. You know what I am talking about, Goyle!” The huddled man stayed silent, so he slowly raised his wand and pointed it at him.

“Avada Kedavra.” The green light flashed through the room as the man fell to the floor motionless. Gliding back towards his throne, he caressed Nagini’s body. 

“Does anyone of you pathetic excuses of servants have good news?” The silence in the room was oppressing. Glee and enjoyment pulsed through his body as he raised his wand once again and started to cast curses through the room haphazardly. Out of the corners of his eyes he saw that Severus was hit by one of the stronger Cruciatus and laughed in satisfaction.

 

Abruptly the black haired boy sat up in his bed. Confused he glanced across the room, hadn’t he been in the kitchen just one moment ago? Moving a little he started to notice the pain in his body, the tense and twitching muscles and the exhaustion. 

“Master Harry Potter, Sir, is finally awake!” sounded the voice of the little house elf, who had appeared right beside him, making him flinch.

“What happened, Bipo? “, he asked, yet he had the inkling that he’d just have a vision.

“Bipo does not know, Master Harry Potter, Sir. Master Harry Potter suddenly was unconscious and in pain. Can Bipo do anything for Master Harry Potter, Sir?” Harry just shook his head and tried to calm the worried elf.

“Everything’s alright, Bipo. It was only a vision; I only felt the effects of the curses that were uttered. It’s nothing to be worried about!” Suddenly an image of Snape under the Cuciatus Curse appeared in his head and he jumped out of bed.

“Snape!” was the only thing he said before he had disappeared from the room and came to a halt in the living room. It was most likely that Snape would apparate back here or in his room.

As a matter of fact the unmistakable sound of apparition sounded only a moments later and the black haired man stood in the middle of the room.

“Professor?” Harry asked worriedly as the man neither moved nor spoke. Snape flinched and whirled around, a confused expression evident on his face before he turned it into his usual mask, devoid of any emotions. 

“Harry?” his voice didn’t bear a hint of emotions either. Harry assumed that the man suppressed his pain as if to not show any weakness. 

“Are you alright? Can I do anything?“, the concern in his voice was evident. The Professor gazed at him intently before he shook his head. 

“Don’t worry”, were the only words he gifted Harry with before he left the room. Shaking his head Harry sat on the couch. This man was incredibly stubborn. Why couldn’t he just accept his help?

In the meantime Snape had reached the security of his study and slowly sat in his armchair. Sighing he relaxed his body, suddenly gritting his teeth because of the pain that shot through his body once again. Bipo appeared besides him, wordlessly handing him the sorely needed potions. With a grateful look he took the vials and drowned them without as much as a grimace. Sighing once again he closed his eyes. Feeling no pain at all was something wonderful indeed…

“How are you feeling, Master Severus?” the tiny elf asked worried. The man smiled slightly and reassured him that he was fairly well. 

“Master Harry Potter was worried about you. As he woke up again he immediately searched for you!” Severus sat up straight.

“Woke up again?” he asked suspiciously, the elf only nodded viciously. 

“Master Harry Potter, Sir, said that it was only a vision and declined Bipo’s help.” The Professor closed his eyes for a short moment.

“Did Harry say if he felt any effects of spells or curses?”

“That’s what Master Harry Potter said; Bipo wanted to help but was declined again.” With those words the tall man stood again, strode towards the small cabinet, took some vials and turned towards Bipo.

“Can you tell me where Harry is at the moment?” impatience and worry was clearly audible in his voice. 

“Master Harry Potter, Sir, is in the living room, Master Severus”, the elf answered immediately and looked after the retreating man with knowing eyes. 

Snape strode towards the living room, mumbling something about idiotic, carless and irresponsible boys named Harry Potter. He opened the door carefully, not wanting to startle the boy and looked through the room. The boy sat on the couch, he was curled up and now and then a shiver would run through his body. Sighing yet again he moved towards him, he certainly felt the effects of the Cuciatus Curse. Harry didn’t seem to have noticed him and only looked up as Snape sat beside him. His eyes were unfocused and glassy. 

“Harry?” he asked quietly, emerald green eyes slowly focusing on charcoal ones. 

“Professor?” he asked just as quietly. 

“I have a few potions with me you have to drink, Mr. Potter”, he explained calmly. The boy blinked at looked confused.

“Why do you call me Mr Potter, Professor?” If the situation hadn’t been so dire, he would have laughed. Of all things, the question was the last thing he’d expected. 

“Well, I think it’s just a habit. I usually don’t call my students by their given name. But if you drink your potions, I’m sure I can make an exception.” He held out the vials again, but got no reaction. His eyes narrowed slightly, but Harry’s words broke the slight irritation that had been building.

“I… I can’t move, Professor.” For a short moment he felt panic rising inside him, until he realised which spell it had to be.

“Finite Incantatem”, he murmured and watched relived how the child moved a little, but stayed curled up. 

“Harry?” he looked up and hesitantly grabbed the vials that were still held out. His hands shook strongly and it was a wonder that he didn’t spill anything. Five potions later the shaking had subsided gradually and some colour was back in his face. 

“Do you have any other symptoms?” A slight shake of the head was his only answer and Snape sighed.

“I didn’t know that you would feel any effects of the curses that were cast nor that you’d have a vision of the meeting. If I would have, I could have taken measures to prevent it.”   
Harry was still looking at the ground.

“I am sorry, Sir.”

“There’s no reason to apologize, Harry. It was merely an observation on my part.” He gently laid a hand onto the boy’s shoulder, who tensed up at first but then gradually relaxed.

“Why did you go to the meeting, Professor?” Snape raised an eyebrow. He didn’t know why it should be the boys business but answered anyways.

“The order only has one spy and it is important that I somehow hold my position amongst the followers of the Dark Lord, so that I can give information."

“But HE could have killed you, sir. After you returned the first time, after you helped me; that was pure madness. You were lucky that he didn’t kill you, even if he nearly succeeded!” Worry and incomprehension were clearly visible on Harry’s face, while he fiddled with his sleeve.

“I appreciate your concern, Harry, but this is my job and it’s the least I can do, to atone for my wrongs in the past.” Harry knew better than to dwell on the last part of the man’s sentence and shook his head. 

“Professor Dumbledore-“, but Snape interrupted him.

“The headmaster explicitly ordered me to try to convince the Dark Lord that I am still his loyal servant after he noticed me helping you.” After a few moments of silence, neither of them daring to say anything else, Snape stood up and held out his hand for Harry to take.

“You should rest a bit, Harry, your body needs rest to heal completely and I am sure that the headmaster will grace us with his presence at dinner.”

A much smaller hand grabbed the bigger, calloused one and accepted his help. Due to the exhaustion he was a little unsteady on his feet, so the potions master helped him up the stairs and into his bed. He waited until the child had curled up and was nearly asleep until he tucked the blanket around him and gently brushed the hair from his face.  
As he left the room, he left the door slightly ajar and didn’t close the door to his rooms either, so he would hear if something should happen. He then conjured a Patronus, informed Albus about what had happened and telling him that he could join them at dinner, then he asked Bipo to wake him and Harry in time before he fell onto his own bed. Without taking of his robes or shoes he fell asleep of exhaustion only a few moments later.

As he woke up only a few hours later a weight was on top of his chest. Out of reflex he drew his wand and wanted to sit up as he noticed that it only was Shadow.   
He put his wand away again and slid a hand through the soft fur of his tomcat. Blue eyes blinked at him sleepily before the tiny animal snuggled up against him and started to purr.   
He turned his head and looked at the small clock: 3.43 pm. Definitely still enough time to stay in bed a bit longer. No one would assume that Severus Snape indeed enjoyed spending a day in bed and doing nothing now and then.   
Content to only lay on his bed and ruffle Shadow’s fur he dozed a bit, but the little ball of fluff prodded his cold, wet nose against his cheek and looked at him with his intelligent eyes.

“What do you want to tell me, you little pest?” the man asked softly. The tomcat pulled at his robes and prodded the clasps on the side to open them. Only then the potions master noticed that he was still wearing his deatheater robes.   
Laughing quietly he pulled them off and with a flick of his wrist they disappeared in his wardrobe before he turned his attention back to Shadow. 

He had him for about three years now, although Shadow if he could speak, would insist that he didn’t belong to anyone. The animal had appeared on his grounds one morning and thereby triggered the protection wards. As Snape had finally found the reason he had stood in front of a tiny and hurt cat.   
He had healed him and let him live in the manor until he had been perfectly healthy again. His attempts to release him into freedom again had failed pitifully; the stubborn animal had only continued to sit in front of his door or had crept through the window in his study.   
After a few more half-hearted attempts he had given up and simply kept the tiny thing. The naming had been just as smooth… Every time the name hadn’t been to his liking, a new scratch had decorated his hand, arm or couch. 

Sighing he glanced at the clock again and decided to get up. Forgoing is usual robes he only wore black trousers and a white dress shirt. After the deatheater meetings he preferred to not wear robes as they made him feel quite oppressed. 

Still having an hour until lunch, he decided to wake Harry, so the boy had enough time to wake up fully and change his clothes.   
Only a few moments later he stood next to a sleeping Harry Potter and gently shook his shoulder. 

“Harry? Time to wake up”, the older man muttered to have emerald eyes blink back at him. He held out the child’s glasses.

“Professor?”

“Yes, Harry. It’s time to get up. Are you feeling better?” Harry only nodded sleepily and slowly sat up.

“I really feel much better, Sir. Thank you.” Shaking his head he reassured the boy that it had been no problem at all and that he’d half an hour until he was expected in the living room before he left the room.

Harry looked after the man bewildered only now noticing that he wasn’t dressed in black as usual, but was wearing a white dress shirt and no robes.   
Sighing, he swung his legs over the edge of the bed and slowly moved towards the bathroom, before he searched for something he could wear. In the end he chose the black trousers of his school uniform and a chequered button-down-shirt, which fit him at least a bit.   
He then made his way to the living room where Snape was waiting.

The man sat on the couch, legs crossed and a potions magazine in his hand. As Harry opened the door he looked up and put it away. 

“Ah, Harry. The headmaster will be here any moment, take a seat until then.” While he was surprised he still moved towards the man and sat down beside him, leaving some room. Snape seemed to have noticed his questioning glance and turned towards him.

“I thought that we could start with a little bit of etiquette if you feel well enough and want to, that is.” Harry nodded and waited for his Professor to continue speaking.

“Don’t worry, we’ll start with little things. One of the most important rules is to not lean your elbows on the table while eating.” Nodding again he found that he had noticed this with many students. Gryffindors being exceptions, but most muggleborns and ironically the Slytherins ate like that. He thought that it might be more uncomfortable but he would try to keep it in mind while eating. Noticing that Snape observed him he looked up again.

“The basic rules are to sit straight and to lift the food towards the mouth, not the other way around.“ Harry knew that he would have problems with that. He was used to bend over his food, in case someone tried to take it away. Worriedly he bit his lip but Snape seemingly knew what he was thinking.

“I know that those are changes from your habits, which were mainly formed by your relatives, Harry, and that you won’t be able to think about it all the time or may forget them while eating. I will just continue to remind you of them until it is second nature to you. Then we can move on to other things.” Harry smiled relieved and wanted to answer as the flames in the fireplace turned green and Dumbledore appeared in the living room of Snape Manor.


	12. chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I am sorry for the long wait. Enjoy it anyways!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> “Disappointment is a sort of bankruptcy - the bankruptcy of a soul that expends too much in hope and expectation.”   
> ― Eric Hoffer

Albus Dumbledore looked around the room until his gazed stopped at Severus‘ and Harry’s form and he took a few steps towards them. 

“It is good to see that you’re both alright, Severus, Harry.” Snape only nodded while Harry just looked at the ground. 

He didn’t trust himself to say anything without accusing the headmaster of things. In his opinion there was no plausible reason to send the Professor back to Voldemort, but he didn’t want to start a discussion. At least not until they had had dinner. He followed the two adults into the dining room. He looked at Snape, surprised. He had thought that they would eat in the kitchen like always, but obviously they would not, because the dining table was set for three.   
The potions master noticed his gaze and softly shook his head, making a swift motion with his hand to say that he would explain later. There was a place at the head of the table and one each to its left and right. As the host Snape naturally had the place at the head of the table, while Harry chose the seat to his right. Dumbledore, without bestowing a glance at Harry, took the remaining seat. As soon as the three of them had sat down, drinks appeared. The professor and the headmaster seemed to have wine, while Harry had a glass of milk.

“I hope that everything turned out as planned, Severus?” the whitehaired man broke the silence, whereupon Snape just raised an eyebrow. 

“I don’t think this is the right time or the right environment to discuss this.” He threw a meaningful look in Harry’s direction, but the headmaster didn’t let himself get confused.

“Nonsense, during dinner is the perfect timing, so I don’t keep you from things you wanted to do afterwards, my boy!”

On the one hand Harry was a bit hurt that Snape did not want to have him around while discussing the topic with the headmaster, but on the other hand he could understand it. Moreover Harry had a suspicion that Snape wanted to save him from being talked about as if he wasn’t in the room.  
Dumbledore still hadn’t bestowed a glance on him or directed a word at him, and the black haired boy began to wonder if the man deliberately ignored him. 

“Well then, Albus… The Dark Lord still thinks I am his loyal follower,“ was the slightly defeated answer.

At the same time dinner appeared on the table. There were mashed potatoes, roast with gravy and a mix of plainly cooked vegetables. Harry recognised carrots and peas and maybe even broccoli. He waited until Severus and Dumbledore had served themselves until he filled his own plate. He wasn’t sure how much he was able to stomach since he was still getting used to normal food, so he only took some of the mashed potatoes and vegetables. As he noticed that he was being watched, he looked up and met Snape’s eyes. As the man nodded he knew that he had made the right choice. He smiled slightly at the man and Dumbledore was tucking his beard into the belt of his gown.   
While they ate, Harry absently listened to the two men, who were talking. 

“Are you sure that Harry should hear all of it, Albus?” Said man was currently trying to pick up a pea with his fork and nodded.

“Of course, of course. It’s not like Harry doesn’t know about it already. I would be most surprised if he hadn’t seen both of the meetings.” Silence fell over the table as Snape starred at him unbelievingly.

“You knew Harry was having those visions and didn’t deem it important to tell me about it?”

“Really, Severus, why did you think you should teach him Occlumency?”

All the while Harry tried to pay attention to the fact weather he was leaning his elbows on the table or if he lead the fork to his mouth and not the other way around. It was a good distraction, so he wouldn’t throw in any comments.  
So Snape hadn’t known about the visions, which would explain his surprise the last time.

“YOU told me that the Dark Lord was sending him false visions. If you would have told me that he was seeing the meetings too, I would have chosen a different tactic, a different approach for our lessons…”

At this Harry looked up surprised. So, there were different ways to learn Occlumency. Maybe, if the headmaster would have told Snape the whole truth, then maybe the lessons wouldn’t have been such a disaster.

“I believe it was you, who decided to put an end to the lessons, Severus.”

Meanwhile the food was all but forgotten. Snape and Dumbledore starred at each other, while Harry, looking decidedly uncomfortable, starred at them. 

“Well, our lessons didn’t go as smoothly as they could have, because I chose a wrong approach due to missing information, Albus!” Both men broke their eye contact as Harry cleared his throat. While Severus looked at Harry quizzically, Dumbledore studied the pattern of the wooden table. And slowly Harry had enough of Dumbledore’s childish behaviour. 

“That the lessons ended prematurely was my fault, Professor Dumbledore. I didn’t take the lessons as serious as I should have. They ended because I accidently looked into Professor Snape’s pensive.” Again, silence fell over the room until Dumbledore sighed.

“I am sorry, Severus. My behaviour was not decent. I know that the year that lies behind us wasn’t easy for you. The mission I currently have to accomplish grants on my nerves, so I am not entirely myself at the moment.” Snape only nodded, while everyone turned back to their food. Harry noticed that the professor’s gaze lay on him, but since he didn’t want to answer any questions he concentrated on his food, even though he really wasn’t hungry anymore.

Suddenly there was a vial of nutrient potion in front of him at which he looked with disdain. This potion tasted incredibly horrible. Sighing he took the small, bulbous bottle and drowned the potion in one go. Grimacing he tried to wash the taste away with some of his milk, which didn’t work too well. He kept his gaze on his food and stayed silent while Dumbledore and Snape continued to talk quietly. If he had wanted to, he could have listened without a problem, but he didn’t want to. He didn’t want to hear another word from Dumbledore, who was still ignoring him. 

After another hour the headmaster finally started to say his goodbyes. Reluctantly and only out of pure courtesy did he follow the two men into the living room. Only there did they notice that Dumbledore had left his cloak hanging over a chair in the dining room. It wouldn’t have been too bad if he would have forgotten about it, because the cloak was a shade of blinding pink and a pattern consisting of orange strawberries.   
Still, Snape left the room to get it for the headmaster. Dumbledore stood near the fire place, still ignoring the black haired boy. Without thinking about it, he opened his mouth and spoke the words that had been bothering him for days:

“Why did you send Professor Snape back to Voldemort after he was discovered as a spy, Headmaster?” The old man seemed to be surprised that he had spoken and puzzled by the subject of the question.

“Professor Snape is the only member or the order, who can give us important information. Without these information we cannot do much. You see, his role is most significant.”

“And how significant would his role have been if Voldemort had killed him?” anger and disappointment were clearly audible in his voice and Dumbledore tried another tactic. 

“You seem to care about Severus, my boy.”

Harry took a deep breath, he really tried but he couldn’t get control over his emotions.

“I am not your boy. Snape has saved me for years without me even knowing and without expecting anything in return. He took me away from the Dursely’s, a family where you put me without checking on me once, and accepted me in his home. He helped and cared for me, something that should have been your job, not the job of a man, who could barely stand to see me. He did more for me in a few days than you in the last years”, he subconsciously noticed that Dumbledore had paled, but he didn’t care anymore.  
“I would have needed you last year! I trusted you, and I put my trust in you, and you deported me to the next person that came along. To Professor Snape, to my friends. You didn’t care; you still don’t seem to care, sir. Maybe I just wasn’t worth the effort. You abused my faith and trust. I’ve never been anything but a pawn in this war to you.” 

The next moment he already had turned around and was storming from the room, passing a very confused looking potions master, upstairs and into the library. It always seemed to have a calming effect on him and the fact that Shadow appeared a few moments later and settled in his lap wasn’t too bad either. 

At the same time the professor stepped back into the living room and a very pale Headmaster, who just dropped into an armchair, his head bowed. Only as Snape cleared his throat did he look up, but the twinkle in his eyes was gone. He had heard only a small part of what Harry had said and was surprised on the effect it seemingly had had on the elder man. They were true for the most part, though. 

“Severus? Did I truly fail Harry this much?” The black haired man took a seat on the sofa opposite the man and thought for a moment about what he should say. In the end he decided on the truth.

„I cannot speak for Harry, Albus, but I’ve always seen you as a mentor. There was a time you were like a father to me,” he began. Albus met his eyes, but there was a deep sadness in them.

“were?”, was his only question, his voice raw and heavy. 

“You repeatedly sent me back to a madman, who nearly killed me the last time. I’ve always taken the position of a spy out of my own free will, but after he had discovered me… I am sorry, Albus, but this action suggests that my only value for the order, and for you, is as a spy, as much as I wish that it wasn’t like that.“   
The man opposite him closed his eyes and suddenly looked as old as he truly was. Severus stood up, placed an elegant and long fingered hand on the man’s shoulder for a moment and left the room, knowing that Dumbledore would leave the moment in a few moments too. Walking the short distance to his study he tried to distract himself a bit by working on his lesson plans.

What he had said was true. Dumbledore had always been some kind of mentor to him, even as he had smiled generously at what the marauders had done, after they had nearly killed him. He had been there after the death of his mother. After Lily’s death he had helped him to process what had happened and soothed the guilt. After his sister’s death he had caught him and had supported him every little and wobbly step of his way back to a normal life. Snape was grateful, he stood in his debt. But as much as he was aware of his guilt and blame and culpability, he knew that in his position as a spy, he had done everything he could to atone for it. He couldn’t change the past, as much as he wished that he could. He could only try to do better for every remaining day of his life.

A few hours later one was able to find the potions master and Harry Potter in the living room playing chess. A fire was giving the room an even cosier touch and dipped the room in a warm orange glow. Besides the chess-set lay the mayor part of Harry’s paws and it didn’t look as he was able to win this game. 

“It is hopeless to try and win this game, isn’t it?” the boy suddenly asked, which made Snape smirk. 

“I would be more than surprised if that would even be possible by now.” Sighing Harry tipped his king over in defeat.

“Chess definitely isn’t one of my strengths! Ron taught it to me in our first year; I’ve never won against him, though. To be honest, I’ve never won against anyone”, he laughed and started set up the set again. Snape did the same; he seemed to be thinking though. After the set was completely set up again, he looked back up and an amused twinkle lay in his eyes. 

“A rematch, Mr. Potter?” Sighing the boy nodded, making his first move. Only a few minutes later a concentrated expression was seen in his face. No matter which moves, Snape would always be able to take one of his pawns. 

“If you take my rook with your bishop, I will be able to take your knight, but you would have the chance to take another one of my pawns,” he motioned at said bishop. “May I?” Harry nodded and watched attentively as an elegant hand took his bishop to take Snapes rook. He continued and took Harry’s knight. Another move with one of Harry’s pawns and another with his own followed. As he looked up there was a look of utter surprise on Harry’s face. 

“When I move this pawn again… wait a second, check?”

“Obviously. Another move and you win.” The boy grinned at him and moved his paw.

“Check mate!” Even Snape had to smile at the pure joy on Harry’s face. So much happiness about something so mundane. 

„Congratulations on your first victory in five years!“ Happy laughter echoed through the room and Snape noticed that this was the first time in years that such a happy sound sounded through his manor. 

Not one of the two men noticed that the flames in the fireplace turned green for a short moment, neither did they see Poppy’s head that appeared for a second to see if everything was alright after Dumbledore had come and spoken with her.  
To see the two men, who meant most to her, together, one of them laughing the other one looking contend and smiling, was something that meant the world to her and would change their lives in a not too far away future.


End file.
